Hey you, third from the corner, what do you do?

Today, I am going to write about what I do for money. I work on debt restructuring in large corporations listed on NYSE/FTSE and specialise in working under the strait-jacket of Sarbanes-Oxley regulations, primarily for the purpose of investments in new ventures.

Who am I joking? No one. Only myself.

I don't do the above hideous job and I pity those who do. I pity them because I keep wondering what do these people say when they are asked, "What do you do?"... Because saying what I just wrote would make anyone look like a young enthusiast trying to make it big in The Apprentice, and of course making a complete idiot of himself in the process. But I am surprised at the number of people who I come across who go describing their jobs in tedious, verbose, and useless ways. Although I should really not be surprised, because a reality program, after all, is based on reality.

This "What do you do?" can be a very annoying question at times. Although it is the most popular social ice-breaker, it carries the characteristics of snobbishness, pompousness, and self-righteousness. That too, all packed in to these plain and simple four words. I mean why would you ask me this question unless you are dying to tell me what you yourself do? Also, you wouldn’t even dare ask me this question if you felt shitty about your life 9 to 5. You would in that case perhaps make an effort at making it a wee bit more interesting after 5 and ask me a different question.

When I am asked this question, I usually politely respond in a way one is supposed to. What I really want to do most of the times is actually ask a series of questions in response: What do you mean what do I do, you mean what do I do for money? Why would you want to know that? Is your hand dying to feel the thickness or the lack of it of my wallet? Why are you not interested in knowing what I do when I am not doing what you think I do for money? What is that single digit that represents your IQ?

I do appreciate the fact that a lot of people are actually quite passionate about what they do for a living. I am too. I also believe this question can bring about a certain discussion that, funnily, brings people together. But then, should the question not be “what do you feel strongly about in life?” or some such stuff? Also, if someone feels strongly about restructuring of debt in large corporations, then the real question actually is what kind of toast did he/she have with breakfast.

But then the world does not work according to my principles and theories. In fact it does not mostly even agree with my opinions. I learnt to live with it ages ago, but I still crave a bit of fun when I am asked “What do you do?”…

“Usually flush away the toilet paper after use. Do not drink water during a meal. Do not have milk without some sort of flavor added to it. Yes, and I also struggle, almost always, with stupid conversations.”