No soliciting please!

I wonder if it's a typically South Asian trait (since I have yet to encounter a non-South Asian who exhibits the kind of behavior this post is about and that annoys me to no end) to insist that one's own life experiences serve as T-H-E instructional manual for anyone supposedly (read: according to the one doling out unsolicited advice with a fair amount of belligerence/persistence/what have you) going through something in the same category of stuff, broadly speaking. If you go down this path, not only are you butting in without being invited to so much as pry but you're behaving like a complete ass as far as I'm concerned.

I'm not talking about recommending restaurants or dissertating advice or something in that vein --- that's always welcome :-). It's totally harmless and, in the case of something like grad school, probably a collective experience in a very different way than something like being in a relationship.

Rather what irks me has to do with life experiences that an individual might insist on shoving down someone else's throat as The Only Way to deal with the 'it' at hand. I don't know quite how to provide a neat definition but I can surely provide examples. 'It' may be suggesting that someone change their name because it might (and I mean might in the sense that this individual hasn't performed the appropriate calculation) numerologically or astrologically be responsible for their personal misfortune when the "someone" (yes, I do mean me) in question hasn't even so much as complained about her life or bemoaned her current single status ever as a "problem" or a "curse" or any other silly descriptive that comes to mind. Another possible 'it': comparing health issues as if they were the exact same thing. Sure issues can be similar like a headache for instance. But I'm willing to bet there's a world of difference when someone has had 3 migraines during a particular month because she's overworked that stopped once the work load lessened and she got back to her normal routine in terms of eating and sleeping habits when compared to someone who has experienced a migraine a few times every week for the last 15 years! That the person in the second instance insists that the two conditions are similar seems no less than bizarre to me.

Anyhoo, but I digress....didn't mean to lie down on the couch and report every incident in the last month that falls under the category of what annoys me :-).

I won't say I haven't been guilty of this behavior myself on occasion. More so when I was in my mid-teens than in the last few years. In fact, it's something I keep a strict check on - or rather, my parents checked it for me and I couldn't be more grateful because I truly believe that it's highly obnoxious to shove what you think is a solution to a so-called problem down somebody's throat in two kinds of situations. First, when the person whom you're giving the advice to hasn't asked for it because she or he doesn't perceive a particular situation as an issue. Second, and considerably different from the previous one, is when the person does share a particular problem with you but instead of listening to what she or he has to say you end up bulldozing even the remotest possibility of letting that person unload by comparing apples and oranges (read: your experience to theirs). Sure, both are fruits but taste, look, smell, and feel completely different.

So pardon me if I don't want to blame my name as the root of all evil and misfortune on my name; even if it were true I'd rather respect the love with which my parents named me and stick to my faith in God because I truly believe that things work out for the best (Inshallah) even if the journey has some turbulence along the way. And pardon me if I can't be your Siamese twin and be plagued with the same bacterial infection because the ouch in my tummy is all gone. And, especially, don't just pardon me but also smack me if I behave the same way. And please, please, please remember - no soliciting on my premises, thank you!

Two in one day!

Hmm...okay more like 1 1/2 since it's an online quiz but methinks that it should probably count for something. My sentiments: technically some minutes wasted since I knew this already and have enough family and friends waiting to remind me re: the same (and if you're one of them scroll down and see my results...I'm so not OC!) but hey wasting time might also be an art-form...if not my friend Elizabeth and I are determined to make it one!

The Neat Freak You scored 27 anxiety, 28 awkwardness, and 56 neuroticism!

You exhibit neurotic behaviors without the underlying anxieties, and you manage fine socially while balancing compulsive urges...so you must be The Neat Freak! You are happy, well-adjusted, and...organize obsessively. Your friends call you OCD, but you're not: you just love to tidy and categorize! Your low anxiety score implies that you are able to relax, can enjoy the here and now, and have a healthy amount of self-confidence. Your low awkwardness score implies that you are socially capable, are personable and charming, and probably go to parties and have fun (especially cleaning up afterwards!). Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors--probably cleaning, organization, perfectionism, and other orderly compulsions. __ See the other results! Well-Adjusted The Neat Freak The Dork The Geek Phobic Obsessive-Compulsive The Subtle Neurotic The True Neurotic

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on anxiety You scored higher than 99% on awkwardness You scored higher than 99% on neuroticism

Link: The Neurotic Test written by littlelostsnail on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

"Desidre"ing and 2007

That's Latin for not accepting any outcome other than success. Somewhat late but a happy new year to all. Here's to a year of "desidre".... acting to achieve everything each one of us wants. Yup I fall somewhere in-between belief in destiny but being able to shape it as well.

How am I going to do that in this not-so-new-but-still-not-old-year? My resolution is to do a little spring-cleaning to get rid of all the toxic habits and people that I allow to get in the way of life and living. Granted some toxic peeps can't simply be eliminated from one's life for a host of reasons but I can surely take charge more and not let them drag me down :-).

Anyone want to share what their resolutions might be?

[Postscript added January 16: Following the original post above on January 15, I got a whole bunch of irate e-mails from some of the LTLWI readers who presumed that I haven't been in touch with them because I think they're "toxic". Nopes, far from it. Thing is my grandparents have been visiting which has brought with it a lot of happiness, a crazy schedule, and an ongoing deluge of house guests. In other words, it's hectic as hell so if you're feeling ignored it has nothing to do with "toxicness" on your part but more like me unable to work a day that's 29 hours long! I'll stop being MIA next week - promise!]

Auto-Resolution

With all due apologies to my friends in and/or from the Canadian yonder, especially Ted:

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Blame Canada. Get your resolution here.

PS: The non-auto resolutions post is forthcoming as soon as things begin to quiet down in my part of the world!