Dear World:
No I am not ignoring you or your calls or e-mails. Nor do I have any particular desire to metamorphose into a loner. I don't hate you either. I am simply trying to finish my dissertation while teaching a full course load with 2 new preps and keeping my sanity more or less in tact. I'd like to get enough sleep to allow me to do these things.
The only thing I can just about manage, albeit badly, is carving out some time for loved ones and friends who I'm close to. And I do that because I want them to know that I really care and, to be honest, I need to be engaged in those relationships because they something to me for various reasons in their various ways.
I don't mean to sound condescending or snobby - even though it will likely come across that way - but here are a few don'ts: If you're calling to complain about your maid not showing up, do yourself a favor and call someone else. If you're calling to complain about your husband, I've never been married so anything I say is probably more hypothetical than experiential. To be honest, I'd suggest sorting things out with your husband rather than whining to the entire world because that stuff ought to be between the two people concerned IMHO. If you're calling to bitch about how unfair the world is and will always be, do us both a favor and knock on another door - even after I'm done with this dissertation because I really have no patience or sympathy for people who find a problem for every I&%#@ solution. If you're a stay-at-home-mom, try spending some time with the kids - actual time where you do something with them instead of barking instructions at them...they're humans and they need you to nurture them so that they can grow up to be well-rounded, secure adults. If your job involves entering data mindlessly allowing you to talk on the phone while you're at work, please don't assume I can afford to do the same. I actually need to be able to use my brains and be able to give undivided attention to the thing I'm working on. If I tell you I'll call you back in 4-6 weeks I'm not trying to suggest that I'm more important or busy than everyone else on this planet - I physically do not have the time or energy to be able to do so before then without completely ruining the juggling act I'm managing right now. There are certain things on my life list right now and people that need to be numero uno as far as prioritizing is concerned.
A special thanks to those of the 'world' who continue to show their love and support while I remain at my bitchiest - I continue to be tempted to spend more time with you and be there for you. Suffice it to say this whole delayed gratification thing sucks. (Parents and Z: this one is especially for you folks :-)!) I'm looking forward to reconnecting with you in much more meaningful ways in a few weeks. Please weather the current grunts in place of real communication and what I think are probably abrupt conversations and perhaps a modus operandi that is not-as-thoughtful - I love you all dearly and don't want to come out at the other end of this tunnel without all of you still very much a part of my life. I promise to be a better daughter/friend/colleague/human who is back to her happy, fun, cheery self in 6-8 weeks. In the meantime, if you really need me to be there, please holler loudly - I don't want to bail on you. Also know that my pathetic attempts at staying connected during this period are there because you matter and I care deeply about you.
Ciao for now!
Bionic-Woman
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2 comments:
Wow - this is awesome. I feel better now that I read it and know that there is someone else out there that understands this hell that I am experiencing. Thanks for that :)
I guess that's why they call it 'commiseration'. Although perhaps that has a negative connotation, yes? Thanks for posting your comment - it's always wonderful to know that there is a someone out there who understands the experience perfectly and is listening/reading.
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