Baby Steps

This half of LTLWI (Learn To Live With It!) has had ample time to ponder over lots of stuff for the past 2 weeks, especially the last week when I was prescribed bed rest. Posts on these forthcoming over the next few weeks as and when I get a chance

One of the things that occupied my attention most was how times have changed - probably because I was trying to de-stress in order to recuperate as per the doctor's orders and strict parental warnings :-). When I think about the time my grandparents' were in their 20s or 30s the visual that pops into my head is that of a group of people gathered together for an evening dinner, relaxed yet animated with their unique verve and gusto...perhaps a light cool breeze blowing through the windows sans noise or any other kind of pollution. When I think about my parents generation in the same age the visual is quite similar with perhaps some technological gadgets thrown in. When I think about the generation to which I belong I see an individual walking hurriedly on a generic Manhattan street, juggling a cup of coffee so huge that it would equal the amount consumed by a family of 3-4 in the days of yore, answering a perpetually ringing cell phone, looking frazzled...kind of like those scenes in music videos or ads where everybody else on the street is a blur but the individual on whom the focus is appears almost crystal clear.

As I continue pondering over this visual, what strikes me most is that my generation is so busy taking huge leaps all day but the scale of achievements is fairly limited when compared to the kinds of achievements that those of my parents and grandparents tribe can boast of. What do I mean? I'll take myself as an example - I think my most significant achievement to date will probably be completing my Ph.D. at the end of this year (Inshallah). When I think about what my parents had done when they reached my age I hear stories about raising a daughter; taking care of their families; running successful businesses; excelling in their jobs/careers; having time to spend with their families (which was almost always an extended family beyond the statistical parents and 2.5 kids unit); as well as initiating and becoming involved in civil society movements that created not just waves, politically speaking, but concrete change...whether that was challenging military governments in power or unionizing students. When I hear about the kinds of things that filled my grandparents' younger days I'm even more amazed: they went to work/school; organized huge gatherings with family and friends using even the littlest, most inconsequential excuses to do something; raised kids; enjoyed the environment in which they lived; and in between all of this they participated in a movement that created a nation (Pakistan) and uprooted themselves lock, stock, and barrel to come live in this new home. And here I am running around frazzled trying to accomplish nothing nearly as momentous but so incredibly busy and stressed out that I've landed myself in bed, insanely sick. Yes my dissertation involves writing about stuff related to the nation that my grandparents and parents have helped build and shape respectively but clearly the task is nowhere close to the same magnitude. Yet for some reason, for the last 3-4 years, I find myself freaking out at the prospect of taking time out for Eid or around New Years or when it's someone's birthday and there's a dinner planned because I just can't let myself stop lest one of the balls I'm juggling doesn't stay up in the air and falls to the ground. [To be fair though, most deadlines I've faced seem to clash with other stuff...of course maybe I need to plan ahead and procrastinate less...or maybe reorganize the way in which I keep those balls up in the air without breaking into a sweat which is what this post is about.]

Not that my attitude is representative of everyone I know; similarly not everyone is doing the things my parents or grandparents did. The example is meant more to illustrate the irony that folks from my generation are always busy taking huge leaps, completely stressed out, expressing their frustration and fatigue; contrast that with the other two generations and they did so much and all with so much panache, so much elan. It's not the scale of accomplishments that I'm trying to compare; the ntent is certainly not to preach that we need to start serving a purpose larger than us - perhaps in another post ;-). Rather, in contrasting the two I'm just trying to highlight the fact that those folks didn't get as frazzled even with so much on their plates.

What's changed? Lots but the thing that stood out the most for me was what I call the "baby steps" factor. My parents' and grandparents' generation did a lot because they were trying to do a little each day. An hour here, an hour there, a dash of 15 minutes for something else. My generation tries to take gigantic leaps in a whole bunch of things and where do we land? If you're me, then in bed because the madness needed to stop. If we're trying to lose weight, it's the latest diet fad or pill that promises a miraculous 15-20 lbs in mere days rather than a healthier loss of 3-5 lbs every month through diet and exercise. If we're writing a film, it has to be the best darn film that covers everything and then some re: the subject it's about. If we're going to be good parents we think it has to be at the expense of everything else, every other role we could and/or want to play in life...and thus you have marriages breaking up because parents, in trying to be good mothers and fathers, have forgotten that they're also spouses - you have resentful stay-at-home moms or working mothers each of whom thinks she's failing somehow...and the list goes on.

I've heard friends blame everything from the quality of nutrition to living in more demanding times for our state of mind today. Maybe those also play a role but I really think that the main problem is that there's so many sprints packed into our day as we run around trying to get things done working our way up and down our list of priorities that we just don't know how to run a marathon (i.e. do everything with as much grace, as much elegance, as much flair as our parents and grandparents) - in fact, we'd probably collapse!

Consider this: when we learnt to walk as kids we started off crawling, onwards to standing up straight while holding on to things and others, then standing on our own, then walking holding on to someone else's fingers and other things, and, eventually, to managing to waddle before we progressed to what we recognize as a "normal walk". Literally, baby steps and not a race against time!

So here's my resolution: I'm going to take steady baby steps rather than mammoth leaps. IMHO, this is probably more conducive to a more fulfilling state of being. I'd rather picture myself in a relaxed social setting where I can actually see faces as opposed to a busy street crawling with people that remain faceless even if I try to peer harder.

Check back with me in about 4 weeks to make sure that I meant what I said and it isn't just the boredom that inevitably accompanies social confinement aka bed rest.

Perhaps you'd like to try it too...i.e. "baby steps", not the "in bed" bit?

[FYI: Copyright information for the image in this post: Copyright ©2006 by freebabypictures.net]