As far as I can tell, I run, rather than walk, to the nearest exit when I find myself in one of these 4 situations while dissertating:
1. Is there a "big picture"?: I know there is one but I have no clue how to put the individual pieces together so that the picture looks like I actually connected all the dots.
2. Data-mining: I know what I want to say. I know that I have "data" that helps me say it. But (you knew there was one right?) the sheer thought of going through it all to get it back in pristine form such that all the dots connect (see #1 above) seems like more than I can handle. And no, the thought of doing it bit by bit doesn't help. Why? See #3 below.
3. Me, myself and who?: When I sit down I feel like I must accomplish it all. I'm not sure why that is but I suspect that the fear of not being able to come back. For me sitting down to start is definitely the harder task because I need for there to be pin drop silence and complete peace and quiet when I write or else I lose my thoughts. What's the problem here you ask? Well I actually enjoy being around people and the solitude that I require to write well is clearly depressing. One-off situations are fine but dissertating requires regular and extended periods of these.
4. The Balancing Act: there are some ideas that I can only express in long-winded fashion. I fear I don't know how to zip them. Others I don't know how to unzip; I can only express them in compact form. I suspect this has something to do with the fact that I live in my own brain. I know how I got there and I'm usually rushing to make the point without realizing that sometimes people have to be walked through the idea. [Relevant aside: I think I have this problem while presenting at conferences and in teaching as well. Primarily because I find the pace of academia too rushed at times...well not academia in general but the academic configurations I often happen to occupy. Most folks are able to speak in convincing soundbytes. Here my British training comes into play. I'd like to dwell for a while. I need percolation. I can't always figure it out "in the moment". I need time to process. Unfortunately, things don't always work this way.] Either way, the packing and unpacking is tedious. It would be nice to strike the right balance in the first try some of the time at least.
I suspect some or all of these strike a chord non-dissertators as well. Anyone in the blogosphere want to commiserate or, better yet, perhaps offer suggestions?
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4 comments:
on 1:
If you could see the big picture, why would you need to string together the dots? If you knew how to string the dots together, you would have the big picture and you would not need to do the dissertation. Or inversely, its because you want to see the big picture and because you cannot that you are trying to string the dots together.
2:
it is tedious to string together dots to a story that you already know, yes? But the dots have two stories to tell -- the one you know and is tedious and the one you don't know. If you focus on the tension between the two stories, then tedium turns into awe.
3:
False dichotomy. There is no solitude. Solitude is a way of being with others -- others that need quiet to emerge. Research is a way of communing with the dead, with the distant, with barely alive others, with all the internal others. And solitude is a manner of preparing ourselves to make our time with live others worth our while.
4:
Striking the balance you seek is a matter of rhythm. How to slow down the fast parts, how to speed up the slow parts. We work on this our entire lives.
I haven't a clue as to why you think finding the right pace is tedium. Most if not all of life is about timing, rhythm, and pace.
Sorry about the tone, but I am trying to do this in a hurry (irony intended?).
Naeem
In sum,
If I were your adviser, I would conclude the following:
1. Yours don't close to being the real reasons for your roadblocks.
2. The real reasons are lifelong dangerous dragons that naturally cause the most trouble when you need them least.
3. Therefore, that all is likely to be well. I have known two people (out of dozens, scores?) for whom the dissertation was an easy process -- or so it seemed. But neither are people who dare to dive into the depths where dragons reside.
naeem
Above number 1 should read:
1. Your reasons don't come close to being the real reasons for your roadblocks.
That's why her adviser is not worried.
21st Century Weber
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