Umm...age also lies in the eyes of the beholder?

This academic year (2007-2008) I have a visiting professor gig at what would be safe to label "Dream University"....the students and colleagues are both as close as one could possibly get to having one's "wish-list" met. The spring semester started last week so we're currently in the second week of classes at this point. There are still some students for whom this week will be the first time they go to a class since they were in the process of figuring out their schedules.[Relevant aside: I hate it when students join past the first class for the only reason that by the second class we've gotten down to business. Of course there isn't a familiar rhythm just yet but they end up missing the "this is the analytic we're working with" spiel which means they're going to be somewhat lost for a while which will then influence the "discussion" which is particularly critical this time round since both my classes are seminars rather than lectures.]

In my morning class (I'm teaching 2 new preps this semester), I had 2 newbies walk in for the first time. Usually, I walk in right when class is beginning or a couple of minutes later. However, yesterday I had a DVD to set up for us to watch in class so I arrived early. There were a few students in there already so we started chatting about lots of different stuff. Enter NewKid#1 - he looks completely unsure if he's in the right place. We confirm that he is. He takes a seat. As I'm talking to the students, it's pretty obvious he realizes only then that I'm the professor. Umm I thought it was kind of obvious perhaps even self-evident. Oh well. We start class and NewKid#2 walks in as one of the students is in the midst of making a comment. NewKid#2 looks like he's just woken up and walked straight to class - not that I am being judgmental :-). But he looks clearly dazed. He doesn't know whom to offer an explanation to about his coming to this class for the first time. He's scanning the room and I'm thinking to myself, "You have to be kidding me! Come on! I'm the only one dressed formally. Crack the code already". The students are looking at me holding back the urge to snicker. Finally I break the silence (read: his confusion).

When I first started teaching a class independently I was 23 years old. The confusion at that point is understandable. But I'm 32 now! One would think the age difference is substantive enough for a student to figure out that I'm the "head honcho" as it were in that configuration. Between wearing glasses and dressing formally I would have thought this wouldn't be a problem. Maybe I need to find some "old lady frames" like I did when I first started teaching - they didn't help much back then but I'm thinking now would be different. I think it's easier for young male professors - they can grow a beard as I know some folks who have. Nopes I don't want to grow a beard (!) but there's got to be some kind of other marker that younger female faculty members can adopt to avoid being mistaken for a student. I wonder if gender perceptions have something to do with this? Why do I say this? Because I don't think younger male faculty members run into the same problem as much as women do - at least the ones I've met.

Most people tell me I should be flattered that people still mistake me for a student. But an undergrad? Seriously?! I'm pretty sure I don't look that young - or so I think. I think I'll be flattered if this happens when I'm 45. For now, not so much.

Ode to "The Fab Squad"

Nopes that isn't a remake of something from the 70s or 80s (although between the "squad" reference and the pseudonym under which I blog I don't blame any of you if the thought did cross your mind).

"The Fab Squad" includes two amazing women whom I've gotten to know in the last few years and who have become very dear friends of mine, Mi & Fr, and yours truly of course. What's "The Fab Squad" about?

Well, first I'm going to giggle because whilst growing up my better friends - as in people whom I loved unconditionally and trusted with my being - have always been men. Not exclusively necessarily, but primarily for sure. Over the last 5-10 years, however, I've gotten to know some amazing women whose brilliance and kindness always touches me. So it's kind of nice that I get to play "girlie girl" with ladies who I'm glad are my friends. Not that I was ever a tomboy - so far from it that we're talking about potentially discovering a whole other universe. But I always got along better with men - although that's food for another post.

So "The Fab Squad".

It all started last month when we read an article in the New York Times about embracing life as single women sans the resignation or merely as something to do until Prince Charming comes along. We labeled 2008 as the year that we celebrate our thirty-something fabulousness...and so "The Fab Squad" wasn't a far stretch from that. Well, not for us anyway :-).

Hopefully Mi & Fr will also chime in here....but here's my $0.03 on my own singlehood:

I think being single would bother me if I'd never been in a relationship in my life. That's thankfully taken care of! It's not that I don't care about meeting "The One" or that it's a non-thought. Hardly. But I refuse to let it become the bane of my existence. Does that make me strong? I don't know. All I know is that I'm unwilling to settle. By the by, I hate the phrase "settle down". I loathe it with a passion. It just implies like I'm resigning myself to a life that has no potential to become the "all" I want. Kind of like an opened bottle of Coke that's been sitting out overnight - it's Coke, but no fizz. And I want 'fizz'. Lots and lots of it. I want the bubbles to tickle my nose...anyone remember that tag-line from the old "Bubble-Up" commercials in Pakistan? As usual I digress.

I'm happy with my life (Mashallah, Knock on wood, Touchwood....am I missing anything? Hmm there's even a picture of garlic in the post prior to this one so I guess that takes care of warding away all evil ;-)!] But I do want the package - and there are days I do feel afraid that I won't get it....you know what I mean...the continued presence of loved ones I have now in my life, the husband, kids, the home that's my domain, a career in which I remain inspired to create and think no matter what I'm doing more specifically. A friend asked me the other day if I'd ever thought that I'll be alone for the rest of my life. As practical as it might have been as a question, I thought "Huh? What do you mean? Never." Honestly, I guess that's always a possibility and on my worst days I sometimes even wonder that it'll be that way. But I don't want it to be. And I firmly believe both in destiny and in being able to make things happen - and if a companion to love and be loved by is what I want then I will (Inshallah) get.

I was thinking the other day what's on my wishlist for 2008. Among lots of other things all of which have to do with living a balanced existence, I want to be able to love fearlessly again. Not that I'm paranoid or hesitant or unexpressive - just lately I seem to have had horrendous luck with men which has affected perhaps my modus operandi somewhat. Finding "The One" would be nice....I'm really more "Relationship Girl" than "Dating Girl". The Next One doesn't have to be "The One" per se but I refuse to put myself in the kind of dysfunctional relationship I've been in the last two times round. He's got to be good enough to be "The One" irrespective of where we end up. I guess what I'm trying to say but fumbling while trying to get there is that I think I'm in a place where I'm open to love again. Love that is enjoyable and delicious....heck even all-consuming and overwhelming in the way that it is when you meet someone who makes you feel deliriously happy...the kind when you're truly content in the moment in which you find yourself.

In the meantime, I'm stuck on "play"...no pauses for me thank you :-). Onwards, fellow "Fab-Squad"ders....and other 30+ single women. And to "The One" wherever you are....move your butt and get here coz I'd sure like to kiss you!

Welcome 2008: the spice test

Not exactly the post I'd planned to launch the new year off with but it'll have to do for now. Hope 2008 has gotten off to a great start for all and sundry...here's wishing that our loved ones and our blog-readers find everything that comforts, excites, and loves them in the new year.

Below my results for the spice test I mentioned. Not sure I like being described as stinky but the rest made me fairly happy.

Cheers all!

Your Score: Garlic

You scored 50% intoxication, 100% hotness, 75% complexity, and 50% craziness!

You are Garlic!

No offence, but you stink. Pretty much everyone loves you, though. You're smart and pretty hot and you fit in with about any culture. You're a total cut-up; in fact, the more cut-up you get, the hotter you become. But be careful, when you get embarrassed, you turn really sweet.

Link: The Which Spice Are You Test written by jodiesattva on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test View My Profile(jodiesattva)

Benazir Bhutto assassinated

As I'm sure most people have heard by now, Former Prime Minister of Pakistan Benazir Bhutto was assassinated earlier today at 6:16 pm Pakistan Standard Time. When I tuned into the news this morning all that I heard was of a suicide attack at a political rally in Rawalpindi. In a matter of minutes, the news poured in that Bhutto might also have been killed. And next thing I knew she was reported to have been assassinated. Inna-Lillahe-Wa-Inna-Ilaihe-Rajiunn (For those of you who do not know what the significance of this phrase, it means "To Allah We Belong And To Him We Shall Return. It is customary in Muslim tradition to utter this phrase upon hearing of someone's death.)

I'm in shock and (surprisingly) speechless. How does one make sense of what happened merely hours ago?

I'll admit that I do not have much respect for her as a political leader, in particular her abysmal (IMHO) record on women's rights (although I wonder at times if too much was expected of her because she was a woman without much regard for her having to navigate a man's world that was predominantly conservative even chauvinistic), ethnic divisiveness, and corruption. However all of that pales in comparison to her death. This is certainly not the time to go down that path. No-one should have to endure an end like this. It is beyond appalling if you ask me.

Condolences to her family and loved ones. As I comb through the news I read reports of how this will potentially destabilize Pakistan. However, the (naive?) optimist in me wishes and prays for this to be perhaps be an eye-opener that Pakistanis will rally around in ways that bring peace and prosperity to the nation. That violence has already broken out leaves me saddened and disappointed but perhaps, just perhaps, what I envision optimistically might not be a pipe dream.


As a woman who has grown up in Pakistan, I am thankful to her for her service even if I find myself on opposite sides of the fence on multiple occasions. That she was the first elected female head of state of a Muslim nation while she balanced her personal life along with her professional commitments is certainly commendable and worthy of applause, perhaps even a standing ovation. May Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto rest in peace and may God give her loved ones the strength, courage, and patience to bear this tragic loss.

Included below are three pictures that stand out in my mind of the legacy she leaves behind: that of her as a mother, one of her taking her oath of office as she was sworn in as the Prime Minister of Pakistan making her the first female to be elected as the head of a state of a Muslim nation, and at the rally where she was later assassinated. (All of these have been uploaded via Yahoo News.)






(Images Courtesy: Yahoo News)

Holiday Greetings

I/We have been incredibly remiss in sending out my/our holiday wishes on the blogosphere. To use a worn-out cliche, better late than never..yes?

Hence, in that spirit - from Asad and myself:
1. Eid Mubarak
2. Merry Christmas
3. Happy New Year (the only one in advance)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving folks!

I love Thanksgiving as a holiday. I like how the US holiday season begins with a day that everyone in the country feels comfortable observing sans tripping over political correctness (a rant on that some other time although Asad has sort of blogged about that here).

There's a spirit of festivity, togetherness, giving thanks that I happily buy into. I think it's grown on me even more so in the last few years as I have come to think of America as home. Not so much when I moved here initially but then again change is always difficult to cope with even if it is also exciting at the same time. I like that it's a tradition that is all-encompassing - no matter color, gender, creed, or anything else to which you belong I like that it is something that all Americans can share. Even if it sounds cheesy, it reminds me of Eid in Pakistan ... a holiday that the majority observes in their own different ways with multiple traditions and rituals but we agree on the overall contours of it all. I like that it tends to veer away from liminality - in both spirit and practice.

Here's wishing everyone a fabulous and joyous holiday. May you have a lot to be thankful for and to celebrate. Bon appetit!

Emergency Rule in Pakistan: still processing

When I first heard the news Saturday morning I really wanted to blog about the imposition of emergency rule in Pakistan - after making sure that everyone I knew was okay (although that's a pretty minimalist definition of okay that I'm operating with here - as in physical well-being) + getting to all the news I could to ensure that the law and order situation in the country hadn't deteriorated further. To be fair, it rarely does when the troops are out and more or less in charge - sad as that may sound that's the way it has been so far.

I never got around to blogging because in between trying to follow the news - including President Musharraf's address - and talking about it with friends I continued to realize that I'm still grappling with what happened. I didn't simply want to be another one of those voices in the blogosphere that took to a missive leaving the larger problem unexamined and unquestioned.

Right now, grading and writing seem to warrant greater immediate attention this Monday morning. That, and to be honest, I'm still processing my own thoughts.

But I did want to at least acknowledge the current goings-on here at LTLWI. Among the multiple things that I find boggling about this entire mess (which I think it is for reasons that go beyond the failure of the democratic process or obstacles to it - both of which I'm sure apply since people are talking about them but I wonder if anyone is pausing to think what it means to be democratic and applying more than the minimalistic definition of holding elections and giving the impression of a democratic process), is the continued appreciation for the role of the judiciary of the country becoming part of the protests. This is not to say that I necessarily agree with Musharraf's dismissal of the Chief Justice and imposition of emergency rule in Pakistan - presuming that the reason as "they" say was the fact that a final decision on his presidency and being "in uniform" was to be announced this week. I refuse to be that cynical because I have no way of knowing if that was indeed his motivation. [I'm usually amused and at other times hover somewhere between being livid to being unable to believe it when folks have commentary to offer on what we conventionally call politics without having access to a lot of information that would be crucial to the puzzle]. It might well be but I simply do not know. But I digress.

Back to the point I was making about the judiciary, color me seriously uncomfortable about the involvement of this body in leading protests etc. There's a great deal of jubiliation about all of this that I just can't comprehend. Even if those folks are the ones who best know the law, isn't one of the ideals involved here related to the ability of the judiciary to preside over court proceedings that might be related to all of this? Doesn't the direct involvement compromise their ability to be as impartial as possible? Granted that's an ideal and none of us can ever be truly objective. Even if the judiciary isn't involved in protests etc, the individuals are bound to have some kind of opinion. There's no way around that. But I do believe that it's messier if they're the ones at the forefront of any kind of massive political uprising and are using their office as a platform to do so.

Color me idealistic or naive, but I truly believe that as much as we want to admire these folks for the political spirit and beliefs and courage we ought to be concerned about the way in which this transforms their official role as the judiciary as well as how problematic their involvement, in its present iteration, is. I color me extremely disconcerted.