Aaargh!

When I woke up this morning, I was planning to post something a bit more substantive..something we could grapple with a bit together or at least chime in on. But then the day happened.

Have you ever had one of those days when you wish that someone had been kind enough to plant a warning sign somewhere along the way to watch out for traffic coming at you head on? Today was kind of like that. One thing after another...there were lulls punctuating the madness but it would have been nice if they'd lasted longer. That I'm a person who would rather not be engaged in a confrontation doesn't help much. Hmm that might be a bit off. I can handle a confrontation much better when what is being engaged in is a healthy discussion where two or more sides agree to disagree...implicitly if not explicitly. That I find manageable...even fun. But I, probably like most others, suck in situations in which communication is pretty much a downward spiral. So that's what today was. From the banal to the significant/life-changing stuff, the more earnestly I tried to explain myself the more it backfired in a variety of settings. Part of me is glad that I held my ground without coming across as obnoxious or losing my cool or playing the "just because I say so" card. On the other hand, perhaps a tantrum would have been therapeutic...even if I were still being misunderstood at least I wouldn't be trying so hard to explain myself without getting my feathers a bit ruffled. Part of me didn't want to be the grown-up who takes a lot of crap with this funny-in-the-tummy that makes one feel miniscule and just plain lousy. Kind of like an emotional free-fall in which you know you have no option but to drop down and submit to the gravitational pull of others around you while another part of you reacts instinctively to try and find a way to control the fall somehow, to some extent.

I'm a big believer in the whole "it takes two to tango/clap" saying. I take full responsibility for feeling this way to the extent that I should and for finding myself in all of the situations that I did today. But I can't possibly be the only one to blame for the way things transpired. Yes I know I'm being cryptic. It would help if I gave an example. Not sure if I'm comfortable putting that out there - in the blogosphere or elsewhere - or that I necessarily want or need to dissect everything and relive all of today. I'd just rather put it behind me with this tiny little virtual rant so that the feeling vanishes.

If any of you out there would like to rant about something, or simply vent feel free to join the party.

Hmm between this post and throwing myself into cooking dinner (hmm that I turned to cooking to get away from the suckiness of today might explain the chicken biryani and apple pie combo) I think I'm ready to move on :-). Thanks for listening/reading.