Insomnia-Induced Rambling

I can't seem to go to sleep. Even worse because I'm vehemently opposed to working after dark if it can be at all helped, I've been dissertating rather than flipping channels or watching a DVD for the last couple of hours. Okay not quite "worse" because I would like to be done and I'm a bit behind on my self-imposed deadline for this chapter but still.

Three thoughts running through my head:

1) I can't believe we might get flurries tomorrow. It's April for crying out loud!
2) Must get fresh flowers even if tomorrow is going to be a dreary fall-like day as opposed to spring. Hyacinths or tulips will definitely be involved. What might the tie-breaker be? If I can get the tulips in a light Myer lemon-y color then I shall look no further.
3) Is it just me or do other ABDers also find that as they get further into the dissertation the less capable one becomes of stating, with absolute certainty, precisely what their next step will be? My stock response as of late seems to be "I just want to finish and then I'll think/plan". This doesn't mean I don't know where I want to head but I think there's something about dissertating that's a peculiar animal all on its own. With an undergrad, you count off credits and you know when you have enough you'll get a degree. The Ph.D. process is more drawn out and fraught with uncertainty. It doesn't mean I'm not motivated to finish or that I'm noncommittal about it all. Far from that. But still, until it gets written, defended, deposited I think I'll continue to feel like an imposter of sorts. Funny how so much is invested or, to be more precise, I seem to have invested so much in 500 pages that it's blocking my view. I know what I want yet there's a fear lurking in the background about having it all fall into place exactly the way I want. Then again...I'm a die-hard optimist who believes in persistence, trying your best, and God.

Time to try to go to sleep. Good night for now blogosphere.