On overprocessing....

I'll speak only for my ilk (draw the boundaries around that category as you will :-)!) for now....it seems to me that lots of women I know or have across spend a lot of time "processing" (as my friend MI just referred to it a few minutes ago) their romantic relationships, particularly when they're unsure where it's headed (read: when it's not headed towards marriage), but not enough time "doing" as it were - i.e. not taking the lead by saying what we think without wondering endlessly whether he thinks/feels the same way. If there is the slightest doubt, then nothing is to be revealed.

Question is why do so many smart, confident, simply superb women whom it would be impossible not to love chicken out when it comes to telling someone they're romantically inclined towards how they feel about them or where they'd like their relationship to go? We make important decisions all day in various capacities but there seems to be this fear of "losing" this special someone that holds us/them back. That sounds strange considering we wax poetic about how we want to be with the someone whom we're meant to be with - alluding to a higher power that will hold us together no matter what because it's fate, it's destiny, it's meant to be. So if we're meant to be with this person then one could conceivably screw up monumentally without rocking the boat. So why process, rather, to be more precise, overprocess?

Three things that I think get in the way and encourage this behavior:
1. Templates of the way guys are according to all our gal pals we confer with. This is the one that I think actually annoys me. Each individual is different and so is each relationship because of the configuration that emerges when the personalities/persons in question get involved. Hmm sounds a bit Weberian. Maybe I am becoming freakishly intellectual about everyday life. I don't think that's a bad thing though - I'm probably saying the same thing everybody is but it'll just sound markedly different.
2. It provides a kind of safety net. It's like planning for every contingency. But if we spend the entire relationship in planning for what might happen are we compromising what could have happened instead (whatever that might be)? After all, if we're processing more than interacting are we really in the relationship and letting it flow as it should given the people involved or forcing it into a framework ... again guided by the template.
3. Familiarity - we do what our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters did. They do it for the same reason. I think this makes the most sense. It's the flip side of the cookie cutter approach I took issue with in #1 above. It's what we know to do. And there's something to be said for traditions. In other words, I'd much rather prefer the guy make the first move. Call me conservative, call me old-fashioned but I think it works better. On the other hand, if he isn't making any move or further moves and if you'd like to take the relationship elsewhere I also think one should take charge.

Where am I going with all of this? I'm not quite sure in the sense of forming a stand or a position. But I do want to say one thing. Shouldn't we throw some caution to the wind, expose ourselves to a little uncertainty, and stop playing guessing games? I think our lives would be much less complicated if we stopped trying to unearth the "hidden messages" and followed our gut instincts. After all, when we process and act in balance we seem to get a lot done at work, at home, in our friendships etc. So why not go about love the same way?

I think that question provides the perfect opportunity to shout out a big hearty congrats to my friends J & S who have decided to get married after being together for most of their 20s. Having written this post, I'm particularly glad she was the one who popped the question. Here's wishing them a lifetime of happiness! Cheers :-)