Benazir Bhutto assassinated

As I'm sure most people have heard by now, Former Prime Minister of Pakistan Benazir Bhutto was assassinated earlier today at 6:16 pm Pakistan Standard Time. When I tuned into the news this morning all that I heard was of a suicide attack at a political rally in Rawalpindi. In a matter of minutes, the news poured in that Bhutto might also have been killed. And next thing I knew she was reported to have been assassinated. Inna-Lillahe-Wa-Inna-Ilaihe-Rajiunn (For those of you who do not know what the significance of this phrase, it means "To Allah We Belong And To Him We Shall Return. It is customary in Muslim tradition to utter this phrase upon hearing of someone's death.)

I'm in shock and (surprisingly) speechless. How does one make sense of what happened merely hours ago?

I'll admit that I do not have much respect for her as a political leader, in particular her abysmal (IMHO) record on women's rights (although I wonder at times if too much was expected of her because she was a woman without much regard for her having to navigate a man's world that was predominantly conservative even chauvinistic), ethnic divisiveness, and corruption. However all of that pales in comparison to her death. This is certainly not the time to go down that path. No-one should have to endure an end like this. It is beyond appalling if you ask me.

Condolences to her family and loved ones. As I comb through the news I read reports of how this will potentially destabilize Pakistan. However, the (naive?) optimist in me wishes and prays for this to be perhaps be an eye-opener that Pakistanis will rally around in ways that bring peace and prosperity to the nation. That violence has already broken out leaves me saddened and disappointed but perhaps, just perhaps, what I envision optimistically might not be a pipe dream.


As a woman who has grown up in Pakistan, I am thankful to her for her service even if I find myself on opposite sides of the fence on multiple occasions. That she was the first elected female head of state of a Muslim nation while she balanced her personal life along with her professional commitments is certainly commendable and worthy of applause, perhaps even a standing ovation. May Mohtarma Benazir Bhutto rest in peace and may God give her loved ones the strength, courage, and patience to bear this tragic loss.

Included below are three pictures that stand out in my mind of the legacy she leaves behind: that of her as a mother, one of her taking her oath of office as she was sworn in as the Prime Minister of Pakistan making her the first female to be elected as the head of a state of a Muslim nation, and at the rally where she was later assassinated. (All of these have been uploaded via Yahoo News.)






(Images Courtesy: Yahoo News)

Holiday Greetings

I/We have been incredibly remiss in sending out my/our holiday wishes on the blogosphere. To use a worn-out cliche, better late than never..yes?

Hence, in that spirit - from Asad and myself:
1. Eid Mubarak
2. Merry Christmas
3. Happy New Year (the only one in advance)

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving folks!

I love Thanksgiving as a holiday. I like how the US holiday season begins with a day that everyone in the country feels comfortable observing sans tripping over political correctness (a rant on that some other time although Asad has sort of blogged about that here).

There's a spirit of festivity, togetherness, giving thanks that I happily buy into. I think it's grown on me even more so in the last few years as I have come to think of America as home. Not so much when I moved here initially but then again change is always difficult to cope with even if it is also exciting at the same time. I like that it's a tradition that is all-encompassing - no matter color, gender, creed, or anything else to which you belong I like that it is something that all Americans can share. Even if it sounds cheesy, it reminds me of Eid in Pakistan ... a holiday that the majority observes in their own different ways with multiple traditions and rituals but we agree on the overall contours of it all. I like that it tends to veer away from liminality - in both spirit and practice.

Here's wishing everyone a fabulous and joyous holiday. May you have a lot to be thankful for and to celebrate. Bon appetit!

Emergency Rule in Pakistan: still processing

When I first heard the news Saturday morning I really wanted to blog about the imposition of emergency rule in Pakistan - after making sure that everyone I knew was okay (although that's a pretty minimalist definition of okay that I'm operating with here - as in physical well-being) + getting to all the news I could to ensure that the law and order situation in the country hadn't deteriorated further. To be fair, it rarely does when the troops are out and more or less in charge - sad as that may sound that's the way it has been so far.

I never got around to blogging because in between trying to follow the news - including President Musharraf's address - and talking about it with friends I continued to realize that I'm still grappling with what happened. I didn't simply want to be another one of those voices in the blogosphere that took to a missive leaving the larger problem unexamined and unquestioned.

Right now, grading and writing seem to warrant greater immediate attention this Monday morning. That, and to be honest, I'm still processing my own thoughts.

But I did want to at least acknowledge the current goings-on here at LTLWI. Among the multiple things that I find boggling about this entire mess (which I think it is for reasons that go beyond the failure of the democratic process or obstacles to it - both of which I'm sure apply since people are talking about them but I wonder if anyone is pausing to think what it means to be democratic and applying more than the minimalistic definition of holding elections and giving the impression of a democratic process), is the continued appreciation for the role of the judiciary of the country becoming part of the protests. This is not to say that I necessarily agree with Musharraf's dismissal of the Chief Justice and imposition of emergency rule in Pakistan - presuming that the reason as "they" say was the fact that a final decision on his presidency and being "in uniform" was to be announced this week. I refuse to be that cynical because I have no way of knowing if that was indeed his motivation. [I'm usually amused and at other times hover somewhere between being livid to being unable to believe it when folks have commentary to offer on what we conventionally call politics without having access to a lot of information that would be crucial to the puzzle]. It might well be but I simply do not know. But I digress.

Back to the point I was making about the judiciary, color me seriously uncomfortable about the involvement of this body in leading protests etc. There's a great deal of jubiliation about all of this that I just can't comprehend. Even if those folks are the ones who best know the law, isn't one of the ideals involved here related to the ability of the judiciary to preside over court proceedings that might be related to all of this? Doesn't the direct involvement compromise their ability to be as impartial as possible? Granted that's an ideal and none of us can ever be truly objective. Even if the judiciary isn't involved in protests etc, the individuals are bound to have some kind of opinion. There's no way around that. But I do believe that it's messier if they're the ones at the forefront of any kind of massive political uprising and are using their office as a platform to do so.

Color me idealistic or naive, but I truly believe that as much as we want to admire these folks for the political spirit and beliefs and courage we ought to be concerned about the way in which this transforms their official role as the judiciary as well as how problematic their involvement, in its present iteration, is. I color me extremely disconcerted.

'Tis Sunday Morning

I woke up early today and attempted to start working on "The Dissertation" in the morning rather than waiting till the afternoon. Take advantage of the peace and quiet in the house since nobody else is awake. I've also sprained my ankle so sitting down and doing something works out perfectly.

I just wanted to share one thought as I take a break: I seem to have fallen back in love with my dissertation which makes the whole dissertating process (read: miserable and less-than-desirable-albeit-necessary task of isolating myself from human contact for long periods of time) fun again* :-)! Umm Mashallah, knock on wood, please don't let this be jinxed, throw salt on the shoulder for good luck.]

[*This is not to say that being asocial is fun but because I'm in love with the way the argument is working out I'm definitely not resentful. In other words, color me no-longer-doing-this-begrudgingly.]

Random Saturday thought

Do we ever really stand at a crossroad? Is there a genuine struggle or wonderment? Or perhaps it's our minds that are running late in terms of catching up with what our guts tell us - with what we know intuitively.

Have a super week-end all.

Breaking the silence

Once again, it's been eerily quiet on the 30-30 front. Not for lack of having things to say/blog about but, rather, due to paucity of time. The latter won't be changing in the foreseeable future but I'm going to try to check in every couple of weeks if not more often.

So by way of an update, a (somewhat chronological starting with the last time I posted) numbered list of things - some random, some not-so-random, some hopefully not at all random.

1. So Pakistan lost the match I last blogged about. Silver lining: it was one of the best matches I, and possibly millions of cricket fans, have seen in a while. I'm loving Misbah-ul-Haq who really helped make the match exciting.

2. While we're still on the subject, Sopcast rocks for those of us who do not live in countries where cricket is practically a religious experience.

3. Belated greetings to our Jewish readership: L'shanah tovah & g'mar chatimah tovah.

4. Belated wishes to our Muslims readership: hope everyone had a good Ramzan (more on the spelling in a minute)and an even more fantastic Eid celebration.

5. I refuse to call it "Ramadhan". Why? The Arabic pronunciation of it feels alien to my South Asian tongue and sensibilities. [Johnny and BB will agree with me.] Hmm that is probably a longer rant that I'll indulge in one of these days.

6. No, Ramzan does not get easier the more times you fast throughout your lifetime. Heck, I think it gets worse as the month proceeds. No I'm not trying to be blasphemous. I just think it's physically exhausting especially if you happen to be living in a country where all of life doesn't slow down because of "the holy month".

7. Having said that, I do relish the spirituality of the practice. Even if I do complain when my stomach growls or when my throat feels parched.Which by the by happened plenty of times while teaching.It's tough to lecture for 1 hour 20 minutes when you can't sip on some water.

8. I love Eid. Especially when there's lots of family involved - even better when the annoying relatives aren't around. Throw in good friends and it's perfection.

9. I also like Ramzan Eid - something about not knowing whether the next day will be Eid or not feels more festive. Plus fasting to me seems more hands-on than sacrificing an animal. Again, I don't mean to sound blasphemous.

10. I detest dissertating today. Okay let me rephrase this. I loathe the isolation and repetition of this task. I can't write with people around because I'm too tempted to indulge in conversations - even with random strangers. Repetition - yes the best writing is rewriting and I seem to start exhibiting ADD-like symptoms (yes I am being hyperbolic for effect here) the more edits I have to go through or the longer I have to keep working on the same project. [And, for those of you who care to point out that I could have finished sooner let me just say very politely that if it was possible I would have. Some of it is me being unable to work faster but it's also the nature of the work - umm beast?]

On that note, I better tend to it....I'll check back at the end of this month. Until then, live, love, eat :-)

Cricket Fever

The Twenty20 final between India and Pakistan begins in less than an hour! Apparently, it's been almost 8 years or so since Pakistan made it to the final of any cricket tournament - or so I've been told. And a Pakistan-India match...well nothing could top this for folks in or belonging to either of the 2 countries.

Suffice it to say, Asad and I are excited and will be glued to the match. Good luck Pakistan...or as the new mantra seems to be...chak de Pakistan!

Hopefully a celebratory post will be in order later today (Inshallah :-)!).

In the meantime, an image from All Things Pakistan that IMHO captures the essence of the importance of the game - the jubilation, patriotic jazba (passion), and the sheer junoon (madness, mania...in the sense of overwhelming passion) of it all.

Wedding shout-outs

Two big shout-outs to 2 of my favorite gal pals as they tied the proverbial knots this summer: Raania & Jenny.

Love and prayers for everything good for both of you as you slip into the next stage of your lives.

Something to think about...courtesy "the past"

Over the long holiday week-end, I had a heartening chat with a very old and dear friend. Okay, my first ex- to be precise. We met rather unexpectedly at a wedding. So we spent pretty much the entire affair catching up---probably because it's been years and years that we've had an actual conversation and also because we've been so out of touch that I guess we were both curious what the other one was up to.

Whatever,the reason I must admit that it felt really nice. That we could pick up the friendship we shared sans any of the bitterness that I see amongst other couples that almost got married but didn't was really encouraging. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy - happy too. Long story short, the conversation also made me realize that I've missed being able to talk to him, especially since I was feeling a bit muddled about some stuff and have always found him to be a good listener. He's one of those people that help you find your way through rather than simply telling you what one should do. So, at the end of the evening (read: late night/early morning), I found myself wishing and hoping that we could find some way to actually be friends.

So color me surprised and pleased that I got an e-mail from him this morning echoing the same thoughts. In addition to that, he sent me this quote as the "only" piece of advice he'd give me:

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucius

I think it's a good thought. I think we all know this but perhaps forget it along the way and need to be reminded from time to time. Oh heck why generalize?! I don't know about other people but I'd forgotten this along the way and have been making myself miserable in the process. Not to mention, robotic. Having my head buried in what I "should" be doing I sort of lost sight of how that "should" isn't just a natural progression that everyone expects but that it ought to be intimately connected to what my gut thinks I should do and what makes me happy. Yes I continue to be cryptic...bear with me for a while longer because I'm not sure if I'm ready to go public while I'm still in the process of making these decisions. Rest assured, once I know where I'm landing I'll be sure to blog about it.

In the meantime, please wish me, and my heart, good luck plus courage!

Responding to violence: suicide bombings in Pakistan

One of the first pieces of news I heard when I switched on the news this morning before leaving for work had to do with suicide bombings in Pakistan. Then, while I was holding my office hours I read this post at All Things Pakistan. [FYI: This post does an excellent job summarizing the event to which I'm referring plus the discussion thread is also worth checking out if you're interested.]

My first thought: which city?
A pet peeve I'm beginning to add to my (growing?) list is the way in which American news stories about the rest of the world simply specify what happened in country X without any reference to location. There are times when the geographical coordinates are more specific; more often than not the most specific one gets is "a village nearby. I guess no harm in that right? They're most likely to mention a city which the average viewer might know. Then again, after 9/11 when the name 'Afghanistan' popped up I heard a number of folks in a not-Ivy-League-but-Ivyish-enough-university in the Northeastern part of USA wonder if the country was in South America?! Nopes, I kid you not. Okay rant on "lack of geographical awareness" some other time, if at all. Coming back to where I was going with this. The nearby village might, at times, be hundreds of miles away. If not the name, I wonder if adding "a village X miles away from city Y in country Z" might be asking too much of these news broadcasts! What's my point? It's frustrating when you're trying to ascertain right there and then if your loved ones living in country Y are okay.

It appears that everyone I know is accounted for. Yes I know it's selfish. Which brings me to the thoughts that followed.

So second, third, fourth thoughts:
I wonder if I'm the proverbial Pakistani who, because of living amidst such a high degree of violence, has gotten completely desensitized to it? In some respects, I am. In others, such as when I call loved ones in Karachi to confirm that they're okay following news reports of let's say a blast somewhere within the city. Most of the time I'm the subject of much ridicule. Yes I know it generally happens in "those" areas where nobody I know lives or visits much. But still.

That's not what bothered me about the thoughts that kept popping into my head all day. I wonder - and to a large extent, worry - what this means for the prospect of change for the better. If we do become desensitized to violence - which you have to in order to live in a space-time particularity where that occurs on a daily basis -at what point and in what ways do you participate in any means to end the spiral that's spinning out of control? Are you even capable of that? A couple of years ago I was at an address delievered by President Pervez Musharraf in New York city. The audience consisted of Pakistani-American youth. When asked about the worsening law and order situation in Karachi and the lack of security he commented that Karachi was like any other city in the world. He cited a couple of South American examples to suggest that the lawlessness of Karachi gets blown out of proportion. I remember feeling offended and angry at what I would describe as his dismissive and callous response. Just because it's something that's been known to happen doesn't mean it's any less problematic or doesn't need to be addressed. It's a challenge for sure but one that needs to be confronted and tackled. No I don't want to give him the benefit of doubt of having become desensitized to it. As the head of the state, I think it's his responsibility to put the wheels in motion to take care of this problem. I do not think that an old man in his 70s being kidnapped by a bunch of thugs while he's walking from your home to a convenience store in his neighborhood for the sake of a few rupees is acceptable. The question to which I have no answer but to which I have been returning all day is can the madness stop and by what means if people learn to live with (how's that for working in the blog title!) situations they shouldn't have to? If you do become desensitized, is the lack of action part of feeling helpless or something else? Is it that you just don't know where to begin? Do you even recognize it as a problem that can be solved?

I don't have any answers to this question. But color me bothered because I don't think that everyday living should be fraught with such dangers. I don't think this is something that one should learn to live with to the extent that it becomes absorbed within your daily life....willingly, unwillingly, or out of sheer helplessness.

Spark of madness...

Yes I've been gone from the blogosphere for a while. Life has been topsy-turvy - not in a bad way but overwhelming for sure. I started a new teaching position - a visiting professor gig to be precise. Between that and dissertating, I have literally had no free time.

When I have had time I've been enjoying the last few days of summer - far far away from my laptop.

Going away later today but just had a few things that I wanted to blog about. So I decided to pick one that best sums up where I'm at in life. Don't ask me why I picked that? I just did. It felt important.

I've been going through my share of angst over the last few weeks. I've been feeling somewhat restless - that's probably more precise. Somewhat uncertain. And it suddenly just hit me on Thursday - well that's when it started and I feel I can articulate it succintly now.

The spark of madness that always characterized me has been dormant for too long. I've been stagnant in some respects - which in a sense was necessary to get to where I'm at right now. [Yes I'm being cryptic I know but it's going to have to stay that way for now at least.] I didn't have time to indulge The Spark. Time shmime. Life is going to get more demanding before it starts to ease up. And so the spark is back. No more rationalizing everything. The gut gets to speak and the spark gets to guide it. Hmm not sure if they're separate...

Just in case you started wondering - nopes I wasn't down in the trenches relishing the dumps or the blues. I just have been making some decisions that are out of sync with The Spark 'o' Madness that has always been a part of who I am. And so I'm back baby - (knock on wood, touchwood, Mashallah, etc)! The spring cleaning has been done - behold what I think is a delightful combination of craziness, sparkiness, courage, and wisdom with the perfect smidge of childish innocence. I guess I am holding true to my resolution for 2007: getting rid of all baggage. Watch out world! And anyone who wishes to join me in reconnecting with The Spark- the more the merrier. Cheers :-)!

And another independence day...

Happy independence day to our Indian readers and friends.

Happy Independence Day Pakistan!

To all of you celebrating Pakistan's independence day, Jashn-e-Azadi Mubarak. A longer post on Pakistan's 60th is forthcoming. In the meantime, I thought I'd share one of my all-time favorite patriotic music videos. It's "Jeetain Gay" (We Will Win) by Vital Signs. There's something about the juxtaposition of the images (old, young, new, North, South, East, West) and the lyrics that I continue to find inspiring and that I connect with all things Pakistan. In particular, I love the way the newspaper clippings are interwoven with moving human beings...kind of connects the past with the present and the future IMHO. In a strange way, the song and the video continue to speak to my Pakistani-American identity. No dwelling on in-between spaces today..that's a much longer post that I'm saving for when the mood strikes me. For now, happy birthday Pakistan...and many more.

[PS: Unfortunately the video quality is pretty bad. Not to mention that it isn't subtitled. If anybody is interested, I can finish a translation and add it to this post.]

A Quasi-Post aka A Quiz

So I've been absent from the blogosphere for longer than I'd anticipated. Tons going on some of which have brewed blog posts but alas, too much to do and too little time.

Rather than catch up on all of that I'm easing myself back into blogging with a quiz. Stay tuned for regular postings henceforth. And hopefully Asad will also chime in [hint! hint!].

You Are The Wheel of Fortune

You represent the cycles of life, death, and rebirth. You embrace change, the the ups and downs of life. Fate is something you accept, even when you could possibly change things. Big things tend to happen to you more than other people. Your fortune: Something huge is about to happen in your life, and you have little control over it. You must accept your destiny, but luckily it is good fortune that has come your way. Big things and big changes are about to come your way. And while things will be intense for a while, they will be followed by a period of rest.

What Tarot Card Are You?

July 20, July 21, July 22, July 23, 2007

July 20: Played hookey - well not quite since I worked on course syllabi - for the most part. Follicle issues were addressed and I look different enough to stop feeling restless. Something cathartic, IMHO, about changing one's hairstyle/hairdo. Went out dancing to bid a fond farewell to a friend who will be leaving the area to move to Scotland. You will be much missed, G.

July 21: Asad and I were actually in the same space-time particularity :-)! Wonderful day was had - conversations galore and traipsing around New York.

July 22: Went away to Pennsylvania. The picnic lunch was fun. The weather contributed a great deal to that feeling. Skipped a bbq we had to go to later that night because I needed to catch my breath. Me-time was welcome...although I spent the bulk of it yacking away with one of my best childhood buds on the phone since we hadn't had a chance to catch up for a few weeks. That the lives of medical doctors mirrors that of academics in strange ways made for commiserations galore among other things.

July 23: The weather is crappy and I'm behind on deadlines. But for a change I didn't feel bad about taking time off because I knew I needed it.

So that's a fairly telegraph-inspired update from my end. I've decided to go on a 'Net hiatus for a week or so....deadlines seem to have fallen off to the wayside. 'Tis my fault and needs rectification. While blogging doesn't get in the way of dissertating, responding to e-mails surely does. So if I don't log on I won't be tempted to get everything out of the way before I can write. Hence the extended absence. I n-e-e-d to get my act together, especially since the next month is consumed by weddings, baby showers, friends + family visiting from out of town, and the list goes on.

So I'll be back online sometime next week though I remain phone-able and text-message-able...the first post will (Inshallah) be on the chapter finally finished!

July 18 & July 19, 2007

So I completely forgot to post something yesterday. When I remembered it was 11:30 and I had no desire to get up from in front of the TV and log on. So this post combines yesterday's and today's dissertation edition.

July 18: 'Religion' is deployed on both sides but the terms in which it is interpreted and deployed clarify how it organizes the worlds inhabited by the agents on each side.

July 19: This strand of scholarship tells us that religion is important but ignores the scripts that actors seem to follow in claiming their actions as authentically "X". Taking the former approach we can tell that identity is important but how it matters exactly gets lost in the fray.

Two half-baked thoughts on politics and Pakistan.

Well they're barely quarter-baked but I'm in no mood to make up words tonight. Actually I'm probably assembling ingredients to make something that will be baked - that's how unbaked all of this is.

Two stories caught my attention in today's (July 18, 2007) online issue of the Pakistani newspaper DAWN.

1. I wonder how Benazir can make statements about the lack of law and order under Musharraf's regime when things were equally bad on her watch -- both times round. Well I guess she can make these statements but in good conscience? Really? Well some of us might quibble over the comparison I'm making here but you get my drift....in neither of these instances is the law and order situation unproblematic.

2. I agree with Musharraf's statement about his goal to create an enlightened and moderate Pakistan. What it makes me think about though is the vision of 'Pakistan' that 'Pakistanis' have had and continue to. Without going into too much detail (only because I can't handle writing blog posts akin to academic papers or dissertation chapters right now), I'm intrigued by the ways in which 'Pakistaniat' has been articulated. To grossly oversimplify for a second, the two-nation theory which laid the foundation for the demand for Pakistan as a separate state for the Muslims of India seems to have been deployed in Pakistan in two main ways that are also, IMHO, relevant to what Musharraf had to say. First, based on my own field research for my dissertation as well as primary sources I've read, there seems to be a strong contingent of folks who insist that the notion "separate state for the Muslims" refers to having a homeland where Muslims held the reins of power thereby escaping the possibility of Hindu domination in a United India after gaining independence from the British Empire. The second strand of thought insists upon the enforcement of Sharia Law in Pakistan for it to become a truly Islamic state. It always strikes me as odd that this demand is often made by political parties that historically, in the pre-1947 era, were opposed to the very establishment of a separate state for the Muslims of India. Leaving that aside, it is also striking that there are folks who belong to this contingent agree that this wasn't how Pakistan was envisioned but that it is what it ought to have been established on the basis of i.e. a state fashioned according to Islamic ideals ala Saudi Arabia. Hmm I wonder how we might make sense of this given that one rests on interpreting Pakistaniat/Pakistan as a 'Muslim homeland' and the other as an 'Islamic state'? Are the two different? I'm clearly inclined towards saying yes. Personally speaking, most immigrants and partition survivors I have spoken with over the years often talk about Pakistan as the solution to escape domination by the Hindus...or at least that was the intent. Makes sense to me. After all, Muslims in India practice their religion too so it couldn't have been just the desire to set up an Islamic state. This is not to say that didn't become a part of it but I find it increasingly bizarre, even problematic, that the first strand of thought is largely overlooked or deemed taboo when it is articulated. Hmm I see a research project forming right here.

On that note, must go to sleep! Next post: tomorrow's (well technically today since it's 12:34 am) dissertation thought or the day's favorite sentence. Which shall it be? Stay tuned to find out :-).

July 17, 2007

I hope I'm not jinxing myself by throwing this out there but I think I see an overall argument shaping up for the dissertation - one that I hadn't seen before but that now seems not only self-evident but that also holds the promise of the quintessential "the end is the beginning". In other words, heading down this path will likely provide me the option of developing the dissertation into an interesting, full-fledged dissertation project. Insert happy dance here folks! Why? I've been told on more than one occasion by professors with whom I've worked and respect a great deal that a dissertation is a piece of research that will define one's scholarly life for some years to come so the best thing to come out of all of this is a defended dissertation that raises questions to shape a book manuscript. So knock on wood, Mashallah, fingers crossed, throwing some salt over my shoulder for good luck...I think I've found my way there. Yayyyy!

July 16, 2007

All better now and back to working on the dissertation project in full swing. I started with editing the chapter I was working on last week....just to get myself back into the rhythm of it all. In order to fill a gap in this draft I took a look at an earlier iteration - a pre-draft of this chapter really in that it was a class-cum-conference-paper I wrote in fall 2003 even before I wrote my dissertation prospectus. And boy have I come a long way! Rather my argument has. Well okay both really to be perfectly honest :-). I liked feeling that way. The passion and enthusiasm are still there but are now tempered by a certain crispness, consistency, and clarity that was missing earlier. Yay me! Well I can't take all the credit...there are too many others but most pivotal of them all in helping me along this journey is my chair. So, in that spirit, I'm signing off with a "Thankus Maxiumus, Chair....especially for staying engaged and keeping me engaged as well!"

Under the weather

And that's why I haven't been posting. Thanks for the e-mails asking about blog updates. Getting better but still not 100% so expect regular posting - favorite sentence and/or dissertating thoughts - to resume Monday, if not later this week.

July 5, 2007

" It is what it is - be that peace or war."

Yuppers not the fanciest sentence but the play on italics works particularly well within the context of the rest of the paragraph...not to mention the broader argument.

Now for a little TV watching to cool my brain down...and perhaps another stab at writing before the day ends.

July 4, 2007

A little late in the day but hey....Happy Independence Day to all those celebrating July 4.

I'd planned to write a longer post about "Being American" or, rather, being 'naturalized' as one but it's almost midnight and I'm pooped. Some other time perhaps when the mood strikes me again.

Hope everyone who was celebrating had a good one and got a chance to enjoy some fireworks displays.

Tomorrow it's back to work ::sigh::

July 3, 2007

A piece of advice my accounts teacher gave us in high school a few months before our Senior Cambridge exams was to adhere to the 8x3 model in organizing our time. I might have mentioned this in an earlier post but just in case I didn't - he suggested sleeping for 8 hours, studying for 8 hours, and devoting the other 8 as we liked to play, fun, etc.

Sounds neat IMHO. I've never been quite able to implement it...or perhaps not when I try to do so consciously.

Today was a slightly different story. I ended up implementing the 8x3 more or less. So I slept for about 7 hours and took in an afternoon nap...okay I understand 2 hours is hardly a nap but you know what I mean! Devoted 9 or so hours towards non-sleep-or-dissertating-activities such as preparing for a 4th of July lunch which included cleaning up and dessert (I'm taking care of desserts only because a full-fledged meal is something I'm not confident enough to handle unless it's really close friends and family who won't let me live down a disaster but at least I won't feel too awful just in case it happens; on the record I've only had one disaster so far since I've been cooking and it was scrambled eggs.), an AM workout, groceries, a late lunch at a restaurant with my parents who closed down early today, etc. And, yes....dissertating took up about 6 hours which included planning the remainder of the current chapter (I'd been floundering a bit) and writing up a decent chunk. It wasn't 6 hours straight but that's what it amounted to. That I didn't realize it until I started writing this post made for a very pleasant surprise.

In other words, yay today (Mashallah, knock on wood, throwing a pinch of salt over my shoulder) except for some mild annoyances on the personal front!

I'm taking the day off tomorrow for the most part but July 5th is when I'm going to aim for an encore. Well sans the major cleaning bonanza. Stay tuned for that update....I'm rooting for me pulling off the 8x3 consciously this time.

Okay off to work on the pineapple semifreddo that I'm making for tomorrow...yes I know it's past 11:30 pm but it's supposed to stay in the freezer for at least 8 hours and there is no way I'm waking up super early in the morning to make it so that it's ready in time.

July 2, 2007

Dissertating thought: IMHO one of the biggest hurdles I face everyday when it comes to working on The Dissertation Project is sitting down to write. Heck...it's a challenge after taking a break for lunch. It's gorgeous and sunny outside and I can think of a million other things that would provide me with nothing less than instant gratification and that would be less painful than pressing my brain to think a thought through all the way instead of stopping when my head begins to hurt. Fellow dissertators and writers will be more than familiar with this - it's not really a headache but more of an "Oh my God am I overwhelmed and see this developing into a billion directions but don't quite know how the dots connect or which dots to put in to connect in the first place" feeling. But I digress. Point being that it's so difficult to do and having done it repeatedly (which is putting it mildly) doesn't quite make it easier. Possibly because there is no clear-defined end in sight. In that every productive writing day means finding the will and ability to repeat it endlessly. And you don't quite switch off unlike some other kind of work which has a relatively short-term duration with a defined beginning and end. In other words, tough as nails. Some days are good, some days are bad, others rock in terms of output but every single day means waking up and finding it in your self to face a blank screen that must be filled up. Hmm....or is this just me and my id? Sure hope not.

I also wonder if it's akin to giving birth like everyone says....the process of active labor is rarely fun but you look upon your offspring with pride and joy. Granted my "little bundle of joy" won't have that nice baby smell nor will it have the smile that makes all the sleepless nights and heartache pale in comparison. But hopefully there will be something about this, as others say, that will feel at least somewhat magical at the end. Check back with me in a couple of months and I'll have my answer to that one (Inshallah).

Ciao for now!

June 29 & 30, 2007

So here's my dilemma: I'm not quite sure how to post a favorite sentence from what I wrote without losing control over my anonymity for the chapters from here onwards until mid-ish August. I'm also a tad paranoid about plagiarism issues that might arise since I have encountered trouble with that in the past...that what I'm working on is all an analysis of the empirical stuff makes me a bit nervous. Put those two together and that's why I didn't end up posting anything on June 29 and June 30. So here's what I propose. On the days I feel comfortable about posting my favorite sentence I'll proceed as I have been these last few days. On days that I don't, I'll post a dissertation-related thought...whether that's related to the actual text or something more akin to a writing update remains to be seen. I suspect it'll be one of these, both, or other things...time will tell.

Expect regular posting to presume Monday, July 2nd.

June 28, 2007

Today's favorite sentence is really a quote that sets up the argument for all of the empirical chapters in my dissertation - specifically the purpose of writing them the way I am. I happened to find it in my reading notes from March 2005...I guess it pays to procrastinate sometimes because if I hadn't been making an attempt to waste time productively then I wouldn't have clicked open this file.

"“We feel as if we had to penetrate phenomena: our investigation, however, is not directed towards phenomena, but, as one might say, towards the ‘possibilities’ of phenomena. We remind ourselves, that is to say, of the kind of statement that we make about phenomena."

It's from Wittgenstein's Philosophical Investigations ; now all I have to do is find the section number because I apparently didn't note it the first time round!

June 27, 2007

Knock on wood and Mashallah: I had the kind of writing afternoon today that made me fall in love with my dissertation project all over again. Yes, for the past few days (possibly weeks and months) there was more toleration than anything else...a commitment to see it through but today I'm madly and head over heels in love with it. What I call "green points galore"....green points are what I call my own ideas that jump out in response to reading or watching a text...yes I do consider them bordering on brilliant or rather having the potential to produce something novel and insightful.

One catch as far as posting the day's favorite sentence goes...since I'm holding on to some measure of anonymity it's getting increasingly difficult to post one that doesn't reveal the exact project and, by extension, yours truly. So I'm not really picking the one I like best but rather the one I like best that still conceals my identity as it were. In other words, consider this a disclaimer...I'm writing funkier stuff that is infinitely more exciting.

"The debate between these two characters then is not based on an abstract category we refer to as 'communalism'; rather, it is a legitimation struggle involving 'faith' that is historical not in the teleological sense but, rather, in the empirical sense in so far that its specific deployment in the here-and-now is made meaningful bearing in mind prior uses."

June 26, 2007

"Thus, as the preceding analysis illustrates, these boundaries do not represent some sort of externally existing reality that they represent accurately but, instead, acquire meaning in specific and ongoing legitimation struggles whose consequence, in the case at hand, has been a persistence of conflict."

Hmm if I compare this to yesterday's edition I'm hovering over redundancy but it probably looks a whole lot better in context than I'm giving it credit for. Chalk that up to another ho-hum writing day or is it now a spell given that it was the second day in a row?

Here's to a better day tomorrow. I wish I was one of those people who could have terrific writing days in some sort of extended succession. Or is this the monotony of discipline that overwhelms, possibly quells, the bulk of my enthusiasm. Okay I'll stop analyzing here and see what transpires tomorrow.

June 25, 2007

"All of these actors speak of the same identity/entity; the heterogeneity apparent in this conversation is illustrative of the differences in moral-practical ways of knowing that produce varied perspectives on the world."

Not the best writing day but I do have this sentence to show for it which isn't half-bad IMHO.

Insert happy dance here....one chapter draft done!

I guess all I needed was the longest day of the year to finish something. I have officially crossed off "draft of chapter for TPTINTD" from my "to-do" list.

Yipppeeeee! Yay me!

O Summer Solstice! How I love thee!

Between a finished review for a refereed journal and a book chapter within the span of a week not to mention ongoing work on a dissertation chapter I'm beginning to think that I might be able to pull off academicking without falling down on my ass all the time.

I'm currently contemplating taking a break tomorrow so if you don't see a favorite sentence posted you'll know what happened. Hmm I really should take half the day off at the very least, yes? To reward myself for completing something and shipping it off?

June 21, 2007

From today's work bonanza:

"But why? Is difference always evil? Or, should we attempt to make difference harmless or “good”? Can we learn to think of difference as somethingthat also just ‘is’?"

June 20, 2007

Today's sentence from TPTINTD:

"Life’s funny isn’t it? The very name that I, throughout my life, had seen others associate with my being an outsider had now made me less of one."

Now I m-u-s-t get up, walk away from The Laptop, and step outside to enjoy the remaining 90 or so minutes of daylight...that I've written a whopping total of 9 pages from scratch today means I certainly deserve it!

PS: Nopes, don't feel too sorry for me. I haven't exactly been chained to my desk all day plus I stepped out for lunch :-).

June 19, 2007

Today's edition. Perhaps a mouthful and too abstract - especially when it's taken out of context like it has been in this post - but, nonetheless, here it is:

"Shifting our attention away from normatively desirable yet, still, fictional possibilities to the empirical narratives that provide the contours of the worlds we inhabit opens up, if you will, new possibilities for knowing 'X' in which the causal complexity of its very existence - in the sense of its 'coming-into-being' repeatedly in social processes - can be accounted for."

June 18, 2007

Today was devoted primarily to reviewing an article that I had been sent and preparing a narrative document with more detailed comments.

So instead of a sentence I wrote I offer today a quote that I tracked down which sets the tone in some respects for the piece I am working on for TPTINTD as well as the current dissertation chapter I am writing:

"You needed me. You needed to perfect me.
In your absence you polished me into the Enemy.
Your history gets in the way of my memory."
---Excerpt from 'Farewell' by Agha Shahid Ali

Hmm as I think about it some more it seems like this verse/excerpt sets the tone for one of the main arguments in the dissertation as a whole.

Until tomorrow!

Favorite sentences resume Monday

So here's what has happened:

June 14, 2007: Working through a film and some interviews that recollected (first-hand) experiences of immigrants to Pakistan sent me into a loop where horror gave way to being too depressed to push my own thoughts. Overwhelmingly tragic doesn't begin to describe what these people went through. Couple that with the almost effortless yet appropriately emotional way in which they share their tale and it gets even more boggling. I also discovered that I pause when I come to this film and these sets of interviews every single time I have tried to incorporate them in my dissertation. Possibly because it connects all too well with the stories of my own family especially the paternal grandparents. And then a hiatus ensues because it's just too difficult to return to processing those thoughts. I should probably not include these texts - at least not now. Maybe later? I do have disjointed field notes that I jotted from revisiting these texts but I'm not up to sharing my favorite sentence from them.

June 15, 2007: Planned 'off' day to indulge in partaking of the first day first show of "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" - Bollywood blockbuster as the ads say - review post to follow next week. Suffice it to say I loved it. Then I spent the day with some friends.

June 16, 2007: There might be a post today but most likely all of today will be spent reviewing a piece for a journal that I need to send out next week. That I only got into bed around 3 am after a long but fun Friday is making me drag my butt today hence significantly decreasing the chance that new writing will happen...edits maybe but that's probably about it.

June 17, 2007: Not just Sunday but a very special one - Fathers Day.

This is the long-winded way of me saying...regular posting of "today's favorite sentence" will resume Monday June 18, 2007.

June 13, 2007

Here it is: "The purpose towards which I employ an engagement with these multiple positions is not to propose corrective interpretations but, rather, to illustrate the heterogeneous character of that which is superficially, even inaccurately, presumed to be homogeneous."

June 12, 2007

So today I worked primarily on the chapter that will be my contribution in The Project That Is Not The Dissertation (TPTINTD henceforth). That this essay is more like a personal narrative that is woven together in ways that will eventually make a broader analytical point makes it even more difficult to pick one favorite sentence that might stand on its own and convey the message it does as part of the larger paragraph.

Oh well...if it does, it does; if it doesn't, you know why.

So here goes: "So far violence was something that happened in neighborhoods none of us had heard of let alone ventured. But this time it was right at our doorstep. And because of it my world seemed to have been altered forever."

Until tomorrow!

Could-Be-My-Twin, drop me a line?

Apparently there is another person either in The City of All Things Capital (aka Islamabad) or who knows a lot of people there who could be my twin if we were related. Over the last few years I've met plenty of people who either live/d in Islamabad or visited frequently and have mistaken me for this person. [I hope there's a vice versa there and this person gets asked when she'll be done with her Ph.D. as well!] And now it's transcended into the virtual sphere. Multiple people have poked or messaged me on facebook thinking I am her.

Now I'm totally curious about Could-Be-My-Twin [CBMT..hmm acronym does not bode well!]....yes that is what I am calling her even though I know her name....well I can't quite recall it right now but as far as my memory serves me I know it begins with a Z or an I. I wonder what she does. Is she PhDing too? Does she have kids? What are her views on abortion? Does she love the book "Kartography" as much as I do? Is she just as conflicted about which song she likes best on the "Jhoom Barabar Jhoom" soundtrack? Is she tall or does she buy clothes from the petite section like yours truly? Does she have siblings? Does she crave dark chocolate? What kind of relationship does she have with her parents? Who was her first love? Who does she think make better friends - men or women? Is she also cleanliness-obsessed? Does she like to get down and boogie? Hmm does she procrastinate or is she efficient when it comes to dissertating?

CBMT, if you ever happen to read this drop me a line...preferably with answers to all of the questions above.

Okay break over. Must get back to half-finished thought.

Favorite sentence of the day is forthcoming although it'll be from the book chapter I need to send out this week instead of the dissertation.

June 11, 2007

As promised, from today's work. I didn't think I'd get to The Dissertation today but I managed to switch gears between dissertating and finishing up a draft of a book chapter that will be my contribution to the project I mentioned earlier.

"What you will notice in the empirical discussions presented in this section is that that "the nation" or its "national identity" is embedded - both morally and practically - in the mundane as well as the extraordinary such that religion, epics, language, pronunciations, aesthetics, diet, folklore, family, codes of morality, cultural signifiers, etc are all relevant to understanding the ongoing emergence of 'self' as distinct from the 'other'."

Why do I like it? No I am under no such grand illusion that it's the most sparkling thought. Still, I think it is pretty effective in setting up the empirical analysis that will follow in chapter 3 or 4 (the exact numbering will depend on whether I separate what I am describing as an "empirical preface" or leave it as part of chapter 2).

Signing off till tomorrow evening.

The (New) Plan of Action

Yes I've been crying wolf on finishing The Dissertation for so long now that even I wouldn't tend to an SOS from myself. Part of it is me obsessing for perfection but mostly it's been a combination of unrealistic expectations that I have held myself to and a fear of turning in anything less than perfect.

But 'tis the Summer Of Change. Not only that but I can actually see The Finish Line.

So here's the plan. Well some of it anyway....writing too much might divulge my identity and I need the (semi?)anonymity this space affords me...at least for now.

I'm going to write every day except Sundays....no matter how little it is going to get done everyday. Until I get done with my dissertation I'm going to post my favorite sentence from the day's writing here. The caveat: the sentence might not seem all that captivating for readers of this blog since I'll be deleting stuff that identifies me or my dissertation. Yes paranoid-seeming I know but like I said I need the anonymity for the next few years.

So check in, share my progress, and on the days that you don't see a sentence please, please, please yell at me! Unless it's Sunday :-).

Of course I'll be posting other stuff from time to time but first priority is The Dissertation. The subject of these posts will be that day's date. Hmm maybe I'll throw in non-identifying progress updates along with the favorite sentence every now and then (regularly will mean I spend more time blogging that could have gone into a little more writing). No promises on the latter since those require time to draw up a list etc and almost always gets in the way of work in my experience.

Deadline to finish you ask? I have one in mind but I want to wait to re-evaluate it after a few weeks before announcing it in The Blogosphere or Blogistan or whatever other 'nation' sounding label you prefer. I just don't want to cry wolf again and be a bit prudent about this.

So stay tuned for daily updates. There will be one later today but that will likely be from The Project That Is Not The Dissertation (TPTINTD). I'm going to aim for a paragraph in the dissertation but no promises. TPTINTD beckons!

A Good Thing

Night before last I just couldn't sleep...kept waking up every hour on the hour...between an odd stressy-ache in my lower abdomen and nightmares from which I awoke feeling choked...yes sounds a bit bizarre I know...but the combination of these two things translated into not being able to sleep for more than an hour at a stretch. In other words, I was sleepy, aching, and miserable. So I didn't quite face the morning all sunshine-y and pleasant.

On any other day, I would've dragged my butt and gotten some work done. Actually very little work done. More like spent my time whining and stressing about work I should be doing but couldn't get myself to.

However, since I've been disciplined as of late, particularly the two days prior to the Night Of Crappiness, I decided early enough in the morning that I just needed to walk away from The Dissertation and All The Madness. And so I did. Spent the day catching and/or meeting up with people I've been meaning to without considering this whole "day off" deal a guilty pleasure. Those dissertating help sites call it a "mental health day". I sort of like the sound of that but I think I needed more than mental reprieve here...my body just didn't want to sit down and work either. I wouldn't call it playing hookey or a guilty pleasure because that suggests that I should've been working and I really think I should not have been. So po-tay-to, po-tah-to; a rose by any other name...blah blah blah. Whatever it was, it was much needed and I recommend it highly.

To quote Martha Stewart, "it's a good thing". Hmm, actually it's a great thing.

My Personal Mantra on a Post-It

Maybe because I'm currently in my 6th year of PhDing these panic attacks of sorts are more frequent and definitely stronger. I'm sick of shelving so many of my dreams and things I want to do because I need to focus on the dissertation. Perhaps it'd be easier to just hit pause but then again I actually want to finish as well. Oscillating between these two makes a perfect recipe for anxiety, nervousness, and a whole lot of frustration at the sheer endlessness of it so much of which feels like it is beyond my control but probably isn't - at least with respect to the extent of it.

So The Plan for The Summer (decode "The Summer" - it is what every academic looks forward to because it's the time of year when you supposedly have no other responsibilities other than finishing your current project...true but the desire to go out and play in the sun is overwhelming...also the memory of undergraduate days when summer meant taking it easy makes it worse...still do we must) is to just get done. Or, to use a phrase I coined last week in place of the Nike reference, "just pork and sex it" but that's another post. For now, the post-it below is my personal mantra.

And She Returns :-)

Apparently NBC will air a remake of the 1970s "Bionic-Woman" this fall on Wednesdays at 9 pm. I'm not sure how ready I am to see someone other than Wagner play Jaime Sommers but color me excited nonetheless!

Dissertating Tip

A friend who emerged successfully from the PhDing cave last year sent me the following piece of advice upon asking...an excerpt from her e-mail:

"I could not get the energy and focus to complete the !@%#$%@ thing until I stopped responding to my friends' emails (and calls, IMs, etc.). ....Yes, our friends are wonderful people who deserve our attention...--in fact, it SUCKS to have to say no to people....but the final part of the journey is solitary and grim. And you...just...DO IT."

Yup I agree...it's tough as nails and then some to say no to loved ones - whether it's family or friends or whomever. That I find being with others more fun than sitting by myself and writing makes it even more challenging. But I'm at the point where I'll have to do it i.e. say no a whole lot more than I have so far. [Sometimes, my other female friends - who are also from Pakistan and other places in South Asia - and I often complain about how we women are expected to attend and be our lovely gracious selves at all social events and nurture all our social relationships with Martha-Stewart-like-grace but the men somehow seem to get away with it. But that's another rant that deserves its own post/space!]. I don't want to pull a complete disappearing act - that seems like a surefire recipe for depression - although I also recognize that I will have to sort of pull one for extended periods of time in between. Or at least selectively in the sense that I need to make sure I make time for people I'm close to....which really isn't intended to sound horrible but I don't want to feel compelled to "be there", in a sense, for folks who I barely know. It's challenging enough to keep up with relationships that mean the world to me- and I refuse to let those fall off to the wayside even through this last stretch - not because I couldn't be bothered but there just don't seem to be enough hours in the day so adding another one to the mix is going to be a juggling act that I just can't pull off. In other words, that coffee date with a cousin's friend who has been on my back for months is not happening...not because I wouldn't like to get to know this person and I recognize that this person is new to this place so I'd like to be a bit more hospitable but if I am going to step away from dissertating I need to nurture the relationships that already hold a special place in my life. I mean that's a whole solid 5 hours i.e. an entire afternoon off during peak dissertation time....3 hours to go back and forth between The Coffee Place in The City and where I am, 30 minutes to look presentable enough and not like I just rolled away from my laptop [yes I'm vain if you want to call it that], an hour or so of convo over coffee. I wish I had the time but I honestly don't.

So, in that spirit folks, if I'm mostly MIA over the next 6-8 weeks please don't yell at me or wax poetic about how livid you are because I already feel guilty enough about having to say no all the time. I really need to take this time out for myself and just get done. But yes if you're having a meltdown and need to send me an SOS or if you have the most awesome news to share feel free to ping me and, depending on which of the two is happening, my shoulder and I will be there or we'll party like it's 1985!

Wish me luck folks as I try to jump the final hoops.

Happy Mothers Day :-)

Nothing elaborate, just wanted to wish all the mothers out there a very happy mothers day. And to my own I'd like to say nine simple words: I love you with every fibre of my being.

Cheers!

Johari Window Experiment: Bionic-Woman

I had to take a small procrastination break from revising. Here's what I came across while lurking around in blogistan. Please feel free to click the title of this post above which will take you to another site if you're interested in adding to the list.

Why I Loathe Revisions

I'm currently working on producing a more coherent, finished chapter based on a previous draft. In other words, I'm in "revision hell". Did I mention I hate this entire process? Nopes not dissertating, but revising for sure.

Yes, I know what "they" say. In fact, I know it all and I know it all too well. Yes I know once you get it done or down on paper (screen really) you can always revise and out of that emerges a chapter and eventually a dissertation. I'll be honest. That's the part I can't seem to get done primarily because I get so tired of wading around that I have to write from scratch pretty much. That I pulled that stunt 4 days prior to submitting my M.A. thesis and rewrote the first 2 chapters plus tacked on a conclusion does mean that it's doable - at least in the universe that I inhabit - but not the best idea. I agree that when I can revise the stuff turns out much better. But there's something about it that turns me off to the point where it's a Herculean task to bring myself to that point. [Special nod here to our Ph.D. Director who said on Day 1, probably Hour 1, of a week-long orientation not to expect any instant gratification in this process. I think he was putting it mildly. Not only is there none of that and only the long haul to look forward to but one has to pretty much force oneself to write, think, read when it feels humanly impossible to do more. No wonder some describe it as having a baby. But, like I might have blogged before, babies smell much nicer, are cuddly, and lead to a lifetime of love. The Dissertation - well not so much. But I digress...]

Why do I loathe revising? Three main reasons:

1. It often feels like fumbling around without ever getting anything done despite spending enormous amounts of time on it. When you're simply writing unplugged (which is also challenging sometimes in terms of reigning in The Perfectionist), the pages add up. At the end of the day you feel like you did something - guaranteed. With revising, well yes things become cleaner and crisper but the lack of "building more" can be a bit depressing. And on days when revising a paragraph consumes your entire existence...well let's just say it can induce self-doubt of epic proportions. After all, if I can edit a paragraph in one day am I ever really going to get done? [Yes I know I will and it's a bad day but that's rarely how it feels.]

2. Equally often, there are huge chunks of text that sound so darn good but they are, at best, redundant. At worst you ask? Don't...makes me shudder! So those paragraphs, pages even, need to be edited out. But taking that cursor over that entire text, highlighting it, and clicking 'cut' or hitting 'delete' is too heart-wrenching to come easily. Of course the longer that stuff remains in there, the longer this whole dissertating process is drawn out. Hmm the whole experience is kind of like The Ex whom you broke up with but keep breaking down and getting together with. In other words, that text has to be deleted and not saved in a separate folder to refer to later or else I know I'll keep coming back to it and trying to fit it in just because I'm so used to it and was in love with it once.

3. Migraines aren't fun; revising can, and often does, induce that. Need I say more?

But I guess it still needs to be done. Speaking of which, back to work.

The Juggling Continues

I'd meant to post something other than a list. In fact, I have two ideas brewing that I want to blog about. But I can't seem to be able to find the time to pause long enough to do so. On the other hand, I was itching to blog primarily because of all of these ideas. So the substitute is a list of what has been happening since I last made my way over to LTLWI:

April 18:
a) Daily house cleaning and other chores.
b) Dissertating from 11 am - 3 pm with intermittent breaks.
c) Surprise party logistics 3 pm - 6 pm.
d) College friend in-transit from out of town. Dinner and chit-chat followed by a trip to the airport and back.
e) Too wired at midnight; dissertated for a while.

April 19:
a) Big day - surprise bash for parents' anniversary :-). Went well but most of the day went in cleaning, setting up, organizing stuff, baking the cake [a cross between a plain chocolate ganache and a sacher torte - if anyone was curious], and making truffles [just felt like it although it was pretty time-consuming].
b) Party in the evening...went well I think...not too many people, not too little, just right...yay Goldilocks moment!
c) Caught up on dissertation reading at night.
d) Remapped dissertation.

April 20 thus far:
a) Daily house cleaning.
b) Dissertated 10:15 am - 12:39 pm.
c) Quick lunch break.
d) Working on remapping of dissertation. Hmm I wish it'd stop behaving like a moving target because I'd really like to be done!
e) Get it all done before heading out to a workshop and then dinner.

The rest of the day, like the rest of the week-end, is going to be equally nutsy but what I'm looking most forward to is a lunch at our place on Sunday which is going to be a very mini school-reunion. One of my dearest childhood friends, A, is visiting from out of state along with his very sweet wife, H, and too-cute-for-words daughter, I. If I'm not mistaken, A was my first "male friend" after I left Montessori; we've been friends now for about 19 years now. I'm meeting A after about 7 years or so and I've never met his wife and daughter. Joining the fun - another dear and close friend from school who I haven't seen in a few weeks.

Okay back to work before one of those balls falls down. After all, I have to get this chapter written in the next 2 weeks and it won't happen unless I open that file and start typing.

Have a great week-end all!

Prayers and Thoughts....

Over here at LTLWI, our thoughts and prayers are with the VA Tech community - particularly those who lost their lives and their loved ones who are forced to cope with this tragedy.

As someone who is in academia and hopefully close to becoming a professional academic, the tragedy hits home in a completely different way. As a professor/instructor, how does one address something like this in class and with one's students? I think part of our job is to be there for students in ways that go beyond imparting the subject matter. I'm sure what happened at VA Tech is unnerving for students and teachers alike no matter where they are. I can't even begin to wrap my brains around how the professors at VA Tech will handle this once classes resume. I'm not sure what to make of the 'profiling' that ensued of the perpetrator. Yes this student was disturbed as his writings reveal. He was also referred for counseling. The implication in the way this aspect of the story has been covered is that these were clues that we should have been more attentive to. On the other hand, having had some years of college teaching under my belt, it seems to me that there are plenty of students that are disturbed and coping with a whole host of complications in their lives. Not all of them act in this way. Perhaps he was more disturbed than the students I have come across but I can't help but think that not all students act out in the same manner. So the question is as professors/instructors how we do we know when to act and the appropriate action to be taken? I don't think we can control it all but I guess we remain on the lookout. That there have been plenty of hoax calls on campuses the day after the massacre at VA Tech is also worrisome and in poor taste IMHO...makes me think about what would be classified as part of the worst side of humanity...not as heinous as the actual act in some respects but, in others, perhaps equally and even more reprehensible.

Speaking of which, in a strange way, I was also touched by the best in humanity that I saw as a result of this massacre. When the news broke, I happened to be flipping through channels. Watching the reactions across the nation of the newscasters when the death toll was in the single digits, I felt happy to be living in and be a citizen of a country in which "5" lives meant something and counted for something. I couldn't help but compare it to Pakistan where I was born and grew up. In the late 80s when riots in Karachi had become common, I remember hearing how it was just "5 people" who died. They remained anonymous. They remained irrelevant. The event became banal. To be completely fair, I think it was probably the only reaction of a people, of a community that could preserve any sanity amidst the ongoing and endless cycle of violence. Then again, while I understand the need for desensitizing oneself I wonder if that move is the beginning of the end? After all, what remains if emotions, passions, empathy, and the reason as well as the action they inspire disappear into an abyss of complacency and neglect.

I have to end here...this is just too darn depressing to keep thinking about :-(!

Guru Bhai, Go to Hell.

I managed to see Guru a few days ago. I am not going to comment on or review the movie. I am not even about to tell you whether I liked it or not. I will get straight to the point and write about the funny nay ironic realities of the subcontinent corporate culture.

First of all, we now know that we can officially do whatever the hell we like to make money, because two wrongs in our world certainly make a right. Let’s talk about ethics and values in our corporate culture or, on second thoughts, let’s not.

Secondly, you are innocent until proven guilty, and a hero when you are proven guilty. This is the type of heroism that is quite popular in our part of the world because it gives rise to the courage to break away from the "system". It has its roots in the eternal suppression of the common man, but ironically it gives rise to even more suppression of the masses. Not a new thing in bollywood flicks, but what the hell. I want to be a "dada bhai" in my next life.

Thirdly, you can sell anything to our nations, if you show them the dream of world domination. Tell them they are working towards making the company the world’s biggest corporation, and they will do anything. I spent three days trying to spot the difference between this and other such dreams of world domination. I failed. Your turn.

If you are working for a company like Guru Bhai’s, God bless you because you are bound to be extremely dumb with your sole quality being your ability to say yes and work like a dog. You cannot possibly be an intelligent man. Learn to live with it.

Apparently the movie is made on the life of Dhirubhai Ambani – the founder of India’s Reliance Group- the largest private sector organisation in India. If it is, I do not need to make a point here. If it is not, well I still do not need to make a point. I mean how did Dhirubhai do all of it and yet managed to create what he has? I feel like defending him… should I?

1971: an initial and haphazard wondering

In the midst of doing my dissertation work, which looks at, among other things, the emergence of a sense of Pakistani-ness over the decades there is one thing to which I keep returning. A neglect of the importance of 1971 that seems to have been carefully cultivated to the point where its significance, especially in the post-war era, has only been reduced to little more than a mere mention of the fact that part of what was Pakistan was lost. This is not to say that this event hasn't been engaged with at all but that we remain woefully detached.

I don't mean the traditional revisiting of the two-nation theory that some scholars have suggested. [To shorthand it for those of you not in the know, questions continue to be raised about the legitimacy of the state of Pakistan by this contingent given that what was originally part of its territory is no more. Hence, the two-nation theory on which the claim to Pakistan is based is presumed falsified since East Pakistan broke away from its Western counterpart to form present-day Bangladesh.] What I mean is processing the violence that took place amongst ourselves so that we can begin to reinterpret and navigate what it means to be Pakistani. 1971, as far as I know about it beyond traditional historical narratives and largely through oral histories, was about discrimination. Nothing new there. But what these oral histories also point us to are the actual contours of the debates over authenticity and how the boundaries between 'inside' and 'outside' are continually redrawn. "Who is (more?) Pakistani?" is a question that keeps coming up in everyday political life in Pakistan. Instances like the riots between Muhajirs and Pathans in Karachi in the late 80s are constant, more stark reminders of this struggle over defining Pakistani identity - i.e. who belongs and who doesn't? The brewing and mounting sense of unrest in Pakistan today over issues such as the rights of women, the rights of minorities, the place of Sharia including the recent standoff at the Lal Masjid, increasing economic disparity, the violence at the Pak-Afghan border, lack of social unity, and so on and so forth all pose that question.

Why 1971? In recent years, authors like Sorayya Khan ("Noor) and Kamila Shamsie (Kartography) have ventured into a territory that remains flattened in Pakistani memory: the everyday experience of living through 1971 and being shaped by the goings-on of that time. We remember facts that we're quizzed about in our exams but know next to nothing about the relevance of this period in (re)forming Pakistani identity and the country's trajectory...the grand narrative as it were. The silence makes sense. After all, it requires confronting our own inhumanity and brutality. I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this yet - hence a blog post to begin talking about it in the hopes that some of you might have questions that press me in more fruitful directions to develop my thoughts on this and articulate them so that they're clearer. I can't help but feel that paying attention to 1971 will provide us with some answers only if we have the courage to ask 3 simple yet important questions: who are we? where are we going? how will we get there?

For now, three passages from Kamila Shamsie's "Kartography" that might communicate to you what I mean more clearly than the words above:

Passage #1:
"Between our birth in 1947 and 1995, dead bang between our beginning and our present, is 1971, of which I know next to nothing except there was a war and East Pakistan became Bangladesh, and what terrible things we must have done then to remain so silent about it. Is it shame at losing the war, or guilt about what we did to try to win that mutes us?" (270).

Passage #2:
"When we do refer to those [speaking of the 1971 war and the time leading up to it] events, it's as personalized stories. ... We tell these stories and make war personal - but not in the way it should be; not in a way that makes it touch us personally. We make it personal in a way that excludes everything and everyone who was not part of that four-line story about the war days we tell over tea and biscuits. ... What happens when you work so hard to forget a horror is that you also forget you have forgotten it? It doesn't disappear - the canker turns inwards and mutates into something else. ... I am terrified, Maheen, because this country has seen what it is capable of, and we should all be spared that on a personal and a collective basis. It has seen what it is capable of, yet not paused to take account, to reach inwards towards that swirling darkness and hold it up to the light. ... We act as though history can be erased. Who can blame us? The cost of remembering may break our wilted spirits. But if we allow for erasure we tell ourselves that things can be forgotten, put in the dustbin. We tell ourselves it is possible to have acts without consequences" (311-313).

Passage #3:
"Karachi at its worst is a Karachi unconcerned with people who exist outside the storyteller's circle, a Karachi oblivious to people and places who aren't familiar enough for nicknames. What I've sometimes mistaken for intimacy is really just exclusion. But Karachi is always dual. Houses are alleys; car thieves are the people to help you when your car won't start; pollution simultaneously chokes you and makes you gasp at the beauty of unnatural sunsets; a violent, fractured place dismissiveof everyone outside its boundaries is vibrant, embracing, accepting of outsiders; and yes, selfishness is the consequence of love.
No simple answers in Karachi. Just when we decide that intimacy is exclusionary, a man at the airport turns round and gives us his car-keys, a motia-seller calls us his 'sister' and adorns our wrists with flowers, families fling open their doors and avert their eyes and help us make our way to places of worship; at its best, Karim, Karachi is intimate with strangers.
If I am truly to call myself a product of this city, how can I not find it in me to learn that much easier lesson: how to be intimate with my intimates.
This is not just an epiphany, it's just the start of an attempt to be brave enough to think about certain things that terrify me. There's a letter that we've both read which urges me to face the terror. What my father said and what he wrote were part of both our pasts, and to pretend the matter can be easily discussed and resolved is to deny how deep in our marrow consequences are lodged. We have to every day live with the truth and every day find a way towards unblinking, unsentimental compassion that renders forgiveness irrelevant." (331-332).

[PS: What is it about literature that doesn't shy away from confronting uncomfortable facts? That is to say, beyond the literary license that this mode of expression affords.]

On overprocessing....

I'll speak only for my ilk (draw the boundaries around that category as you will :-)!) for now....it seems to me that lots of women I know or have across spend a lot of time "processing" (as my friend MI just referred to it a few minutes ago) their romantic relationships, particularly when they're unsure where it's headed (read: when it's not headed towards marriage), but not enough time "doing" as it were - i.e. not taking the lead by saying what we think without wondering endlessly whether he thinks/feels the same way. If there is the slightest doubt, then nothing is to be revealed.

Question is why do so many smart, confident, simply superb women whom it would be impossible not to love chicken out when it comes to telling someone they're romantically inclined towards how they feel about them or where they'd like their relationship to go? We make important decisions all day in various capacities but there seems to be this fear of "losing" this special someone that holds us/them back. That sounds strange considering we wax poetic about how we want to be with the someone whom we're meant to be with - alluding to a higher power that will hold us together no matter what because it's fate, it's destiny, it's meant to be. So if we're meant to be with this person then one could conceivably screw up monumentally without rocking the boat. So why process, rather, to be more precise, overprocess?

Three things that I think get in the way and encourage this behavior:
1. Templates of the way guys are according to all our gal pals we confer with. This is the one that I think actually annoys me. Each individual is different and so is each relationship because of the configuration that emerges when the personalities/persons in question get involved. Hmm sounds a bit Weberian. Maybe I am becoming freakishly intellectual about everyday life. I don't think that's a bad thing though - I'm probably saying the same thing everybody is but it'll just sound markedly different.
2. It provides a kind of safety net. It's like planning for every contingency. But if we spend the entire relationship in planning for what might happen are we compromising what could have happened instead (whatever that might be)? After all, if we're processing more than interacting are we really in the relationship and letting it flow as it should given the people involved or forcing it into a framework ... again guided by the template.
3. Familiarity - we do what our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and sisters did. They do it for the same reason. I think this makes the most sense. It's the flip side of the cookie cutter approach I took issue with in #1 above. It's what we know to do. And there's something to be said for traditions. In other words, I'd much rather prefer the guy make the first move. Call me conservative, call me old-fashioned but I think it works better. On the other hand, if he isn't making any move or further moves and if you'd like to take the relationship elsewhere I also think one should take charge.

Where am I going with all of this? I'm not quite sure in the sense of forming a stand or a position. But I do want to say one thing. Shouldn't we throw some caution to the wind, expose ourselves to a little uncertainty, and stop playing guessing games? I think our lives would be much less complicated if we stopped trying to unearth the "hidden messages" and followed our gut instincts. After all, when we process and act in balance we seem to get a lot done at work, at home, in our friendships etc. So why not go about love the same way?

I think that question provides the perfect opportunity to shout out a big hearty congrats to my friends J & S who have decided to get married after being together for most of their 20s. Having written this post, I'm particularly glad she was the one who popped the question. Here's wishing them a lifetime of happiness! Cheers :-)

Quote of the Week

I subscribe to a daily quotations service. Some people read their horoscope or favorite newspaper in the morning. I read this....IMHO it's a good way to start the day and, presuming the quote has resonance for me, it can potentially provide a creative spark. Even better when one is dissertating [which is really code for "it's not the writing that's difficult per se; it's the sitting down to begin writing that's even more challenging"].

Anyhow, for the past few weeks most of these quotes have been pretty good. So I figured I'd pick the one I liked most from the previous week's lot and post it on Mondays from now on. Or, that's the plan.

So here's this week's edition: "Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself." - Doris Lessing.

I like that because it suggests to me a thinking that is organic to an individual and every fibre of his/her being rather than something detached and herd-ish. A thought then that is more a belief, a conviction. Something that one would stand by yet change as something about the 'self' in question changes.

Aaargh!

When I woke up this morning, I was planning to post something a bit more substantive..something we could grapple with a bit together or at least chime in on. But then the day happened.

Have you ever had one of those days when you wish that someone had been kind enough to plant a warning sign somewhere along the way to watch out for traffic coming at you head on? Today was kind of like that. One thing after another...there were lulls punctuating the madness but it would have been nice if they'd lasted longer. That I'm a person who would rather not be engaged in a confrontation doesn't help much. Hmm that might be a bit off. I can handle a confrontation much better when what is being engaged in is a healthy discussion where two or more sides agree to disagree...implicitly if not explicitly. That I find manageable...even fun. But I, probably like most others, suck in situations in which communication is pretty much a downward spiral. So that's what today was. From the banal to the significant/life-changing stuff, the more earnestly I tried to explain myself the more it backfired in a variety of settings. Part of me is glad that I held my ground without coming across as obnoxious or losing my cool or playing the "just because I say so" card. On the other hand, perhaps a tantrum would have been therapeutic...even if I were still being misunderstood at least I wouldn't be trying so hard to explain myself without getting my feathers a bit ruffled. Part of me didn't want to be the grown-up who takes a lot of crap with this funny-in-the-tummy that makes one feel miniscule and just plain lousy. Kind of like an emotional free-fall in which you know you have no option but to drop down and submit to the gravitational pull of others around you while another part of you reacts instinctively to try and find a way to control the fall somehow, to some extent.

I'm a big believer in the whole "it takes two to tango/clap" saying. I take full responsibility for feeling this way to the extent that I should and for finding myself in all of the situations that I did today. But I can't possibly be the only one to blame for the way things transpired. Yes I know I'm being cryptic. It would help if I gave an example. Not sure if I'm comfortable putting that out there - in the blogosphere or elsewhere - or that I necessarily want or need to dissect everything and relive all of today. I'd just rather put it behind me with this tiny little virtual rant so that the feeling vanishes.

If any of you out there would like to rant about something, or simply vent feel free to join the party.

Hmm between this post and throwing myself into cooking dinner (hmm that I turned to cooking to get away from the suckiness of today might explain the chicken biryani and apple pie combo) I think I'm ready to move on :-). Thanks for listening/reading.

Who would've thought...?!

I'm taking care of a friend's three-year old today because she went into labour prematurely and needed someone to take care of her daughter. I love spending time with her daughter who is just too darn adorable - love kids in general, love being around them, want to have my own someday (yes my uterus also does that beat-skipping thing..metaphorically speaking of course). But I have to admit that it's been a while since I've baby- or toddler- sat for anyone so I was a tad apprehensive about my abilities to do this well. Why? Because I think I've gotten increasingly scattered since I've been focusing all my energies almost exclusively on finishing my dissertation over the last couple of years. Scattered individuals, IMHO, do not make for great adult supervision. Even if I do say so myself, it's going much better than just well at this point. Things that have surprised me about today:

1. Apparently you don't have to have the correct answer for every "why" question. An answer will suffice. I'd prefer it to not be completely off base - there's the academic in me - but I'm happy to gloss over and invent completely fabricated, fairy-tale answers to the "where do babies come from?" and "does the baby hate mommy and that's why her tummy hurts? - i hope i didn't hurt mommy when i was born - do you know?" questions.

2. They take fairly long naps. And if you can control the anal-retentiveness while they're sleeping and resist the urge to straighten up, then you can totally work on dissertating.

3. I can whip up kid-friendly meals without having a recipe to follow.

4. I miss crafting.

5. Having a child around really does put so many other things into perspective.

Okay break over. Back to the dissertation until she wakes up. Then we're going to bake cookies. I'm so looking forward to full-time mommy-hood [when the time comes]....not that I was devoid of maternal instincts earlier but it just felt more concrete today than it has in a while :-).

Quick postscript/relevant aside: anyone who says that writing a dissertation is like having a baby couldn't be more deluded if they tried (myself included, but I've only said that to people nagging me about being in my 30s and unmarried]; not that I don't take pride in completed chapters but you can't love a dissertation and vice versa. Plus it doesn't have that neat baby smell and I don't particularly fancy taking it out to the park or cuddling it!

Rejection Shmejection

Yup not the most upbeat title. Got a rejection from a fellowship for which I'd applied so today was kind of a bummer. If this was last year, I'd probably have ranted, obsessed, etc with almost all of my close friends by now. But I guess 2007 marks the beginning of growing up? So here's what I did after I found out:

1. Felt bummed. Shared the news with my parents, my dissertation committee chair, and two friends. All of whom were very supportive and didn't let me wallow or obsess - thanks :-).
2. Obsessed for maybe 20 minutes. Hmm okay more like dwelled. Unfortunately I got distracted from my writing goal for today but I did get most of it done.
3. Decided to take the afternoon off.
4. Bubble baths rock, especially if you shift your audio-listening equipment to the bathroom. Candles can be soothing.
5. Afternoon naps tie with bubble baths.
6. Had enough of bumming around and needed to do something else that wasn't remotely connected to the academic part of my life.
7. Made dark chocolate truffles. Probably even more soothing than either #4 or #5....something I hadn't expected. Watched a movie while I made them...if anyone wants to know which one, it was Dhoom: 2. Yes I love that film (post on that some other time).
8. Reorganized my closet and the side-shelves in the refrigerator.
9. Retail therapy - a trip to Origins and a local CD store for the soundtrack of a new film that was released either today or yesterday (which is a bit blah but who cares).
10. Cooked dinner....stir-fry with chicken and mixed veggies....the highlight though was the sauce even if I do sound immodest...the base was apricot preserves. Nopes I had no clue what I was doing. Why apricot preserves then? Apricot sounds like it should be in Chinese food but, more importantly, it was almost finished and I really needed to get rid of one bottle to have the refrigerator shelf look organized and very ad-like..somehow that seemed like something to aspire for at that time.

I think this worked out much better than ranting, obsessing, and wallowing....hmm maybe I could call the combination rantsessow? This way there was none of that negative energy consuming my entire day. And it was a good reminder of the fact that I have other hats to wear than simply the professional/academic one. I like that. I feel happy...not ecstatic necessarily but calm. No sense of impending doom on the professional/academic front - I guess I've (finally!) grown up. I feel like Martin Sheen's character on "The West Wing"....I forget which episode it was but there was one in which they encountered one obstacle after another...very rough...but the last scene shows him saying "next" and going about his business. That's pretty much how I feel.

Now I'm off to take a stab at writing so that I've met my goal for today. Next :-)!

Insomnia-Induced Rambling

I can't seem to go to sleep. Even worse because I'm vehemently opposed to working after dark if it can be at all helped, I've been dissertating rather than flipping channels or watching a DVD for the last couple of hours. Okay not quite "worse" because I would like to be done and I'm a bit behind on my self-imposed deadline for this chapter but still.

Three thoughts running through my head:

1) I can't believe we might get flurries tomorrow. It's April for crying out loud!
2) Must get fresh flowers even if tomorrow is going to be a dreary fall-like day as opposed to spring. Hyacinths or tulips will definitely be involved. What might the tie-breaker be? If I can get the tulips in a light Myer lemon-y color then I shall look no further.
3) Is it just me or do other ABDers also find that as they get further into the dissertation the less capable one becomes of stating, with absolute certainty, precisely what their next step will be? My stock response as of late seems to be "I just want to finish and then I'll think/plan". This doesn't mean I don't know where I want to head but I think there's something about dissertating that's a peculiar animal all on its own. With an undergrad, you count off credits and you know when you have enough you'll get a degree. The Ph.D. process is more drawn out and fraught with uncertainty. It doesn't mean I'm not motivated to finish or that I'm noncommittal about it all. Far from that. But still, until it gets written, defended, deposited I think I'll continue to feel like an imposter of sorts. Funny how so much is invested or, to be more precise, I seem to have invested so much in 500 pages that it's blocking my view. I know what I want yet there's a fear lurking in the background about having it all fall into place exactly the way I want. Then again...I'm a die-hard optimist who believes in persistence, trying your best, and God.

Time to try to go to sleep. Good night for now blogosphere.

A Little Karachi Nostalgia

Speaking with a friend a few minutes ago we got to talking about Karachi that inspired me to write this post [thanks Im :-)]. Some things that pop into my head that are part of a Karachi that I know I'll never find anywhere else and that make me continue to think of this space as 'home' even though I haven't lived there for more than 3 months at a stretch during the last 17 years. Part of that Karachi goes with me wherever I am - you can take the Karachiite out of Karachi but not vice versa - but there are some things that need to be experienced physically in that space. This post recollects some of those things that I always think of fondly. In no particular order of preference, these are:

1. The 'do talwar' (two swords) roundabout. I used to love going for drives in which we passed by the fountain at this roundabout. That it was always lit differently on my birthday when I was growing up made me feel very special. (Of course that probably had something to do with the fact that Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto's birthday fell right around then but I kind of relish my little childhood fantasy. Birthday cakes and colorful lights that made the fountain look even prettier - a perfect birthday!) I remember walking around the fountain with my father. Also revisiting it several times during one night with my parents as we drove around post-dinner.

2. The artwork on minibuses and rickshaws. I know we all made fun of the 'gaudiness' of it all - which was entertaining in and of itself - but truth be told the landscape of Karachi seems alien without them.

3. The daily night drives we took as a family. It involved a stop for a nice cold drink of Apple Sidra or Rogers' Raspberry drink and a quick stop at the paan (betel leaf) shop (Famy on Tariq Road or PIDC) in between driving to Clifton Beach, then the airport, and repeating the same route (chakkar for those of you that recognize the word - route seems mechanical to me; chakkar seems like it has the right rhythm) at least once.

4. Mr. Burger....cheeseburger, fries, and raspberry slush. Yum.Continuing with the food theme a little longer, the gola kababs (the ones with the string that you had to remove) in Delhi Mercantile, Bundu Khan, Kaybees' or Spinzer's icecream - my personal favs included the cold coffee with ice-cream and the vanilla-coffee combo with mango thrown in to spice things up a bit, milk toffees from the canteen at St. Joseph's, halwa puri from Tooso, nihari from Burns Road, Party Slims, the cakes from Sasha or Dinoo's, pizzas at Kings and Queens, ras malai from the Bengali shop whose name I forget, Saeedullah's flying saucers, the gola ganda in Dhoraji, and Shezan Surprises! Yummy again!

5. Playing hopscotch and badminton on the street outside our home.

6. Going to a secluded and undeveloped beach area a little further down from French Beach. We'd go there for a breakfast picnic almost every week-end. I've never done that after my parents moved to the US (they moved permanently in the 1990s whereas I joined them in 1994...long story...another post, another time). Whenever I think of those times and that space, my enthusiasm to visit Hawai'i, Belize, Goa, and Sydney is disrupted...I can't think of a place and time more pristine, more heavenly even if all of those places look picture perfect. Nothing compares to that beach IMHO.

7. The smell of the air on a cold, dry winter night....and of course the peanut guy (it was always a guy - at least in my experience) walking through the streets with his cart full of winter goodies including warm peanuts and what we call "gajak" for which I have no English translation. (Anybody else know this one?)

8. Thursday afternoon treks to Video Cottage and Sangeeta - both video rental stores - once school let out and the week-end began to get the latest American sitcoms on tape to watch over the week-end.

9. Eid holidays. I loved the hustle and bustle of staying out late the night before preparing for the next day. Buying glass bangles, eating barbeque, and then onwards to buy 'mithai' (sweets) and flowers. Waking up early in the morning, getting ready, new clothes for the next 3 days, consuming insane amounts of the most amazing food, going to visit everyone we knew that we were fairly close to, collecting Eidee money :-), Eid lunch at our place.

10. Funland :-)!

11. The walks to raise funds for The Kidney Center.

12. Watching movies at the drive-in. The sound was bad, the mosquitoes were plenty, but the experience of getting so many people together that we needed 4 cars to go watch a movie in was awesome. I enjoyed the togetherness and that it was taken for granted that we'd always go together....so there was never really the need to plan per se.

13. Having family and friends be an integral part of our lives. Of course I'm not foolish enough to romanticize that - I like not having everybody's nose in my business 24/7/365 and then some. But I do miss having so many people around for dinner not because it was the week-end or we were celebrating something but just because.

Anybody else have any Karachi memories they'd like to share? Or perhaps anything from this post that resonates with you even though you grew up in a different city or country? Please feel free to share :-).